Don’t cry for me Argentina

totally lying. Cry for me!

someone in my extended circle lost someone recently and I wanted to say something but since I am physically unable to not make everything about me, I didn’t. So I will say it here.

Many years ago someone died and I grieved, and I watched all these other people also grieve. So many people. I was so touched by how many people came out of the woodwork and had lovely stories about him.

i realized that if I died, while there would certainly be sad people, there would not be a wave of people who knew me just enough to be sad that I was gone, and to have memories of me.  It made me sad. I had made so little impact on my world. At the time it added another straw to my internal camel 🐫 of seclusion. It was another step pushing me towards making some changes in my life.

While I am certainly no social butterfly,I Ido believe that at this point in my life this is no longer the case. I think there would be people who heard the news and would be sad, and would be able to share stories of me. So I want those tears.

Being sad, crying, telling stories, all prove that someone’s life touched people. We don’t have to all be Mother Theresa or famous novelists, sometimes it’s enough to just be there. To share pieces of ourselves and our time.




Sleepy morning

everyone is still curled up in their various places. I don’t know why the animals are feeling so lazy, mine is from Benadryl. 🙂

i have a full schedule the next few days.  Tonight I have a few women coming over for tacos and euchre, I made a cake so hopefully that will be good. Funny to not know beforehand.

Friday I have chemo and hopefully getting an afternoon workout in. Then Friday night gym people are doing a little social gathering which I will try to be grave enough to stop by. Corey will be home Saturday and then Sunday I have a birthday yoga session for my friend Michelle and then later I have a lunch. Funny how I don’t do anything for months and the life schedules everything in a few days.

The nice thing is that it makes it easy to wake up and list the things to look forward to? 😀

Two years ago today





Goals – Schmoals!

I believe I have shattered any chance of completing my April goals. I will try again in May. 🙁 This cold is just gross. I am sure we are almost done but the last days are icky. Constant choking gross cough and snotty nose and runny eyes. I had so many tissues in my pockets yesterday I looked like ….uh…I can not think of a funny word to put here! OMG it has effected my brain!!!

Last night my itchy arms went into overdrive. It was terrible. Just terrible. I ended up with ice packs on one arm and hot pads on the other to see if either would help. I suspect that maybe the culprit was the hour of sun at the dog park. I recollect this happening last year and it took a few weeks for my skin to adjust to the suns rays.  I am a fucking mess.

In the same vein – I started researching chemo induced cataracts. It is generally not the same as age related. They come on quick and progress quickly, though most people seem to only get them in one eye at a time. Yay overachieving me. So maybe a few years instead of five or ten before surgery. Oh..I wonder what happens if I stop these chemo meds? I hope I am still on them for a couple more decades but realistically I probably won’t be. I hadn’t thought of that until just now.

I am having game night on Thursday and it will be all women! And Mexican food, and sangria. I am hopeful. It is extra appropriate because my husband is in Mexico! Maybe I will buy hats. There will only be four of us because I want to play Euchre. I had so much fun playing with my husband and daughter and son in law a couple of weeks ago.

I am sorry for a long rambling list of sickness again. The cataracts really through me for a loop. I use my eyes pretty regularly,and I have really felt just horrible this week on top of that.



Enforced lazy day!

sometime after midnight the aliens visited me. They did some sort of broncoscopy and in the process hurt my throat. It is so so sore! Way down deep. Feels like it is dry and chapped. I have a little bit of that headachy sinuses feeling but other than that, pretty good! Canceled my two appointments for today and made some tea with honey and coconut oil.

it has been a really long time since I was down with a non-cancer treatment related illness and for some reason it makes me happy.

I do wish I had someone to play with the puppy though.

maybe after a nap later I will feel back to myself enough to get on with things. I got goals you know!

Wait! Maybe the eye doctor poked a little too deep yesterday!


i scrubbed and shined my light and it’s throwing new shadows. Last night Frank started interacting with his own shadow.