I feel like I am on the edge of being overwhelmed with pain. I have so many things going on physically that cause me small amounts of pain on a daily basis and it seems like some of them are suddenly getting much worse, added to that is some other things causing extra extreme pain this week** and I am just walking a fine line down a sloping plank. 

I have the option of dulling most of the pain, but the price right now is too high. I don’t want to be sleepy or fuzzy or lose the ability to enjoy things.

I think that anyone who has ever been diagnosed with a life threatening disease that is known for causing great pain at the end has the worry that someday it will be too much and the pain will overtake the person that you really are. It is one of my only fears.

I am lucky, almost all of the  things that cause me pain will have ebbs and flows. I just seem to have hit a perfect storm and everything is intense this week. I will be better soon, but for right now, I just wanted to say I hurt.

I sometimes think about making these posts private or password protected but the only reason I would do that is because I don’t want people thinking badly of me. I work so hard to have a wonderful life and to be appreciative of the things I have in my hour to hour world and it seems somehow disloyal to that to complain. I also feel like I complain all the time so there’s that.

Going to feel stupid if I am late for work because I had to write, but sometimes you just have to get it out!

**I am not vague -booking, it’s just boring to run down the list of things that hurt.


7 thoughts on “

  1. I think it is important to share this with your friends. We want to know what is going on with you. I am sorry. I know you deal with a lot of pain on a regular basis. When you sort of have this convergence, it makes it harder to deal with.

    As for complaining, I never have that sense that you complain at all.

    Thank you for letting us know what is going on with you. I hope you can get some relief.

    1. I am so happy to have you. I think some of the problem is I complain in my head all the time and just forget what I say out loud and what I don’t.

      1. I can see how that would happen, From now on just remember we are all ok with you telling it like it is. A lot of the time it isn’t really complaining just telling it like it is. That is what your friends are for. Hang in there! We are all a little shy to say it but we love you and want to support you.

  2. ditto what mb said. of course you’ll have down days, days of pain, etc. I would never think less of you for that. share away. {{{<3}}} from afar

  3. Constant pain is so draining. That’s something I have noticed as I get older, although 61 seemed to cross a threshold. The worrisome thing is that you sometimes don’t know if it’s “normal” or not; after all, I’ve never been 63 before! Lol. I never feel that you complain. Documenting is not the same as complaining. Sometimes I feel that it can be important to keep a list of various things in case they become worse later on – you can see when they started – and also, just in case you find something that helps. I understand about the painkillers.

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