I feel like I am on the edge of being overwhelmed with pain. I have so many things going on physically that cause me small amounts of pain on a daily basis and it seems like some of them are suddenly getting much worse, added to that is some other things causing extra extreme pain this week** and I am just walking a fine line down a sloping plank.
I have the option of dulling most of the pain, but the price right now is too high. I don’t want to be sleepy or fuzzy or lose the ability to enjoy things.
I think that anyone who has ever been diagnosed with a life threatening disease that is known for causing great pain at the end has the worry that someday it will be too much and the pain will overtake the person that you really are. It is one of my only fears.
I am lucky, almost all of the things that cause me pain will have ebbs and flows. I just seem to have hit a perfect storm and everything is intense this week. I will be better soon, but for right now, I just wanted to say I hurt.
I sometimes think about making these posts private or password protected but the only reason I would do that is because I don’t want people thinking badly of me. I work so hard to have a wonderful life and to be appreciative of the things I have in my hour to hour world and it seems somehow disloyal to that to complain. I also feel like I complain all the time so there’s that.
Going to feel stupid if I am late for work because I had to write, but sometimes you just have to get it out!
**I am not vague -booking, it’s just boring to run down the list of things that hurt.