A Thursday

I tried to take little cell phone shots of my day yesterday but I kept forgetting! Once I put together all of the pictures of what I do on a Thursday I realized why I was so tired all the time.

I wake up, I feed the dogs and drink a cup of coffee, then I grab this stuff;

Morning Exercise

My tablet, my heart-rate monitor and my fitbit.

First the Bike

Then onto the bike wearing my wrist weights.

Then the Treadmill

Then onto to the treadmill. Sometimes I have a third piece of equipment to the morning, just depends on how much time I have.

Switch to Tea

Then I switch to tea for the rest of the day usually. Though I have been having a cup of coffee at work lately. This is my preferred tea. It tastes like a mild black tea, with no caffeine. I put Stevia in my coffee and tea now. Hey Nina, recognize the mug?

First Supplement

The first supplement of the day. This is for hair, skin & nails and contains a bunch of stuff I don’t get in my daily diet.

Meds and Minerals

Here’s an embarrassing amount of medicine and supplements. Mostly I take one or two of each bottle daily. My joke is that I don’t really need to eat food anymore but actually it’s because I can’t really eat food anymore. Because of the radiation damage and that silly vegetarianism I just don’t get the vitamins and minerals I need so this is my solution. Most of the supplements are specifically for people who have or have had cancer. They are heavy anti-oxidant and immunity boosting.


My morning view lately. So COLD!


My desk at work. I sit on this giant ball and I love it! When no one is around I bounce on it, and stretch on it and move all sorts of weird ways. Just because I can.


I jot notes all day and then never remember to go back and look at what I wrote. My desk is also a mess of cables and wires and hubs.

Bad Day

Yesterday was a very bad vestibular day. I woke up with a terribly horribly devastatingly bad headache. I took assorted pain pills and then switched to my own little blue pill. These are Meclizine and are becoming more and more of a regular part of my day. They are for dizziness. I’m finding that they help with an odd assortment of things that I didn’t realize were being caused by my body compensating for the constant dizzy. I took a lot of them on Thursday.


After work it’s the 20 minute 2 mile drive to get to my workout group.


Which I will only show you little pictures of it afterward. There were a lot of people on Thursday night and it was an excellent workout!





This is my step. There is actually another one twice as high just out of camera range. When I get home from working out and realize I haven’t gotten my 10,000 steps for the day in I start a’steppin’ on here. Or if I have time I hop onto the treadmill for 10 or 20 minutes. I like my little step. You don’t need fancy equipment. This cost me $3.00 at IKEA and I step up and down while I watch TV. I average 100 steps a minute.


I don’t even really like Yogi Teas but I love the inside of the box so I always end up buying it.


Elevate Feet

This is me finally giving up and laying down with my legs elevated to drink my tea!


This is yellow birds favorite place to watch TV.


One Fish, Two Fish

I noticed that one of the things Facebook thought I might want to “Like” was a Dr Seuss site. I really have no idea why.

My yoga teacher posted a picture on Facebook that had a pithy saying about Joy. I put a comment on it that Joy is one of my favorite words. Someone else replied that this must be why they felt it when they were around me. I thought that was so very nice. I love it when you get unexpected compliments that really seem sincere.

I think Joy is a powerful word. It’s so small but it’s says so much. Joy to me is a big blossoming wonder of emotion that just explodes out of your chest. It’s light and airy and yellow.

One of my other favorite words is Grace. I think when you hear it you immediately get a picture in your head.

Tomorrow is my two year remission anniversary. It’s an odd thought for me. It’s a celebration of two years of life. It’s also one more tick in the statistics box where my odds of continuing in remission go down.

comme ci comme ça



Lessons from High School & Facebook

This past week has been very odd. My online world and my in person world have been co-mingling and it makes me feel off balance. There was a Troll on my Facebook “High School graduating class of 82” group and he stirred up a lot of people. This caused a lot of people to suddenly start talking in the group. It’s been interesting watching people interact, and as I said yesterday it brought me sad news about an old friend and also brought me a reconnection with another one.  One of people I don’t know posted a link to his blog and it’s interesting and he’s a good writer, so that’s cool. He’s talking about training for Ironman competitions and you know I love people who talk about training. Maybe he’ll talk about breathing one day and I’ll figure out why I have so much trouble breathing. So I’ve reaped some benefits from this sudden burst of activity thanks to Mr. Troll.
Today I saw this comment:
“…and I should add I fear those people today. I was a jerk back then sometimes and i have had to ask forgiveness from a lot of people. A lot. Lots of humility these days.”
It made me start thinking. I’m afraid I don’t remember the person who made this comment. I have a bad memory for people to begin with and I think maybe the chemo & radiation took a few more little chunks out of my memory. Her name sounds familiar but nothing other than that. My first thought when I read her comment was “hmm, I see a few other people on this page that need to be making some amends as well”.  I was never really bullied in school. I only have one really clear memory of someone being mean to me as a teenager and that was a girl in 8th Grade who was harassing me one day while I was walking down the stairs. She was amusing herself and some friends that were with her. Nothing terrible, but I made sure I avoided her for the next five years. She’s on that facebook page.
I also have is a very clear memory of some of the girls (at that time they were girls!) harassing and bullying other people.  We had a girl in our school who was mentally disabled and she was a favorite target. One of the people on the facebook group was merciless and seemed to get great amusement out of picking on her. I certainly learned a couple of lessons from her that I’ve carried through life.
1. Mob mentality is one of the scariest things to witness.
2. One of our duties as humans is to try and help and protect those who cannot protect themselves.
That last one has stuck with me through my entire life and is really a guiding force in many things I do. I think a part of me is always trying to make up for what I witnessed back then and was unable to do anything about. (that sounds very melodramatic but it was really just plain and simple teasing and bullying)  I am always rooting for the underdog and nothing makes me get loud faster than watching someone be treated unfairly or as if they do not matter as much as someone else. I think it’s one of the few triggers for me to get really mean. I have a pretty good talent for reducing people to the size I think they should be and it usually only comes out as a retaliation for watching them treat someone else badly. Now that I’ve typed that I really should work on that and find another way. Damnit.
I guess I don’t really have a point to this soliloquy. Just that I remember and I appreciate knowing that at least one person later realized that she was one of those people and has made different choices in her life.
We can never leave without canary talk!

Little girl bird has barely left the eggs today. Probably because it’s so damn cold! I have a heating pad on top of their cage and an electric space heater close by to try and keep them at least at a reasonable temperature. I can’t believe my birds decided to lay little chickie eggs in the coldest month in many decades. Hopefully within the next week we’ll see at least one little canary hatch and be beautifully ugly and healthy. I googled pictures of baby canaries and they just aren’t very cute!

A little bit of this mixed with a little bit of that..


My lunch has millet in it so starting with a canary photo seems appropriate.


I am so completely and totally obsessed over watching my birds that it’s just crazy.

“Canary eggs hatch after about fourteen days, depending on the weather and how well they have been incubated. It is not unusual for the first round to take up to seventeen days to hatch, so be patient”

As cold as it’s been it’ll probably be four weeks before they hatch. It’s funny how many times I’ve gotten pictures that look exactly like the picture above. If she is out of that nest for too long yellow bird comes and hangs out on the side of it and she returns very quickly and pops herself back onto those eggs. I’ve developed a morning routine, just before I leave for work I grab their food and water dishes and give them fresh water, hard-boiled egg, chopped up celery & broccoli. I think both the birds and the dogs have adapted to this as all four of them seem to be waiting for morning treats daily now.

My new alarm clock worked very well except for one minor mishap. I forgot to read how to shut off the damn thing! I must remember to do this tonight.

I have a hair appointment to touch up my naturally tri-colored perfect blend of blonds & browns hair tonight so this was the first day in weeks that I haven’t had to bring two sets of clothes & shoes to work to be able to go workout or yoga after work. I felt so liberated.

I made contact with an old friend on Facebook. We were very close friends in High School. It was so odd to see her face in a picture. She looks so much the same. It was funny to build a life for her based on looking at her photos. I think she is what I would have expected her to be. She has a lovely family, and a lovely life. She seems to be well rounded and tolerant, and she had dogs, and one of them was a beagle.  It was odd. I’ve looked for her over the years and never been able to find her on the internet. I had a problem with having the wrong current last name. Then yesterday the Facebook group for my HS graduating class was talking about all of the people who were gone (yes, that was a terrible conversation) and I found out another friend had been killed a few years ago. This sent me off on another quick search for my beagle owning missing friend and within about 90 seconds of site hopping I found her on Facebook. It was odd how easily I found her suddenly. I’m glad. It kind of closes a circle.

I was reading an article about all of the people who in their fifties and sixties suddenly end up dating their first love from high school and stay together for the rest of their lives and I started wondering if maybe it’s the same for old friends you have fallen out of contact with. I’ve talked before about the fact that I am really am a horrible friend. I’ve just never been able to completely share my life with anyone, so I’m a great friend if you need someone to talk to but eventually it will feel a little one sided and then you’ll push me, and wooosh….end of friendship. It’s definitely a trust issue for me. I think the closest I have had as an adult is my friendship with Mary Beth. (Hi MB!) I have talked/typed much more openly with her than with anyone else, ever. And while I may never volunteer any deep dark thoughts or secrets I think I would feel easy about answering her if she did. It’s a trust thing.  Maybe someday I’ll write out a post of all the things I never talk about and only give the password to her. 🙂  She can keep it safe for me.

Another long rambly mess of a post. I do miss having concise thoughts and the ability to write them!