A couple of years ago I wrote a post trying to explain my feelings about waiting for catastrophic news. Though I hadn’t explained that I was waiting for catastrophic news. It was talking about my interpretation of living in the moment. It was interesting to me how different people interpreted the post. Yes, this was back when people commented on posts! Do you know the other day I had 67 people click through from facebook and read, but no one ever comments. It’s very weird. You psycho stalkers!
Anywho… I am back in the position of waiting for catastrophic news but this time since I talked it about it openly and publicly I can explore my feelings and reactions to it publicly. I do not dwell on the waiting part. For every moment that I don’t know I can enjoy what I am doing at that moment. It started on Thursday. When I went for a walk at lunchtime on Thursday a part of me said what if this is the last lunchtime walk I get to take? So I enjoyed it even more. I looked at every mushroom and I checked on some grapes that I have been watching grow all summer. I enjoyed the music in my ears and amazing feeling of freedom that I get from taking a half hour in the middle of a work day to wander our beautiful little neighborhood. I hope JMS hired the guy that I helped when he was lost in the neighborhood. He seemed like such a nice guy.
On Thursday when I was leaving my workout I was thinking, what if I don’t get to work out with these people again? -wait. I must explain. It’s not like I’m thinking I’m going to be dead but there are a lot of things that can happen and I know that if on Tuesday afternoon they say you have cancer in the lungs things will change drastically and my lifes patterns will be disrupted, at the least, for a long time. And in that time the rest of the world will go on. Maybe by the time I get back to working out, they won’t be. They have been so much fun an enjoyed the last 10 months so much. They have helped me learn now strong I can be physically, not just mentally.
For me, that is what living in the moment is. Stopping and noting each and every moment. I am not sitting around thinking of the negative consequence of any news that I might get, I am filling my brain with the joy I feel at each and every moment of my life right now, just in case I have to adapt and make changes later. If everything changes there will be still be moments, they will just be different and I may have to look a little harder to find them.
Slept okay last night. I’m having trouble breathing deeply but I think that’s because I didn’t cough all the blood up and it’s like having the beginnings of a really bad chest cold where your chest feels kind of tight and irritated but your brain will not let you get a good cough because it knows it is going to hurt when you do! Feels a little bruised on the outside, other than that, all good.
When I visited the Naturopath last week we talked about my Plantar Fasciitis and I told her that it was incredibly painful when I woke up or standing up after sitting for too long. She asked me if I had tried “the boot” and I said no, and she jotted down a note to remind her to talk about it next appointment. I of course went online as soon as I got home.
It cost about $24 on Amazon and arrived on Thursday. What a difference! I slept with it, took it off and stepped down on the floor and put my whole foot down! If you don’t have this particular issue it will not do anything for you but what a gloriously lovely thing for those of us that do! And now I know what is causing all the pain, it’s pointing your toes. Letting your foot go straight instead of keeping your ankle bent. This will be very helpful on long car trips which have also turned into a problem.
The lung biopsy was not nearly as bad as I worried about it being. Very little pain, very little discomfort at all.
Took about 30 minutes – but there was 3 hours of pre and post recovery time. They do some lung xrays to make sure your lung isn’t collapsing.
They biopsied the right lung and I will not have the results until next week.
This is where they stuck the needle in:
During the actual procedure they blocked my view so I couldn’t see the actually jabbing in! I am on basically bed rest for today then light activity until Monday. Here’s your chance all you fitbit friends!
My random lung CT unexpectedly found three masses in my lungs. I will be having a biopsy done on Friday morning.
As a side note, it also diagnosed emphysema.
THAT MEANS I FINALLY RAN A MILE WITH SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY LUNGS! BAM! Hoping I get a chance to see what I can do when I can properly breathe.
In other news I went to see a Doctor of Naturopathy today. Spent two hours going over every detail of my life. She was overjoyed with list of supplements I take. I can’t wait for our next appointment to hear her recommendations on fine tuning it. Dosage changes, and form changes are definitely coming. She also said there are options for the lymphedema.