This supportive post brought to you by way of The Victory Center

I went to a Cancer Support Group last night. This is really my second visit to a support group, but the first visit was because there was a speaker so it was a little different. The speaker that I went to hear was from a place called The Victory Center which is a Cancer support Center which is where I ended up going for the second support group. That was a lot of explanation for something that doesn’t matter wasn’t it?

Anyway, in case you have never been to a support group I wanted to tell you about it. You know how in movies they always show a group of people meeting in a gym sitting in a circle in folding chairs talking? In some ways it was exactly like that. No wait! It was more like the scene in Jerry Maguire when he had her at hello. The Victory Center has a large room (where I do yoga on Monday & Thursday) and at one end is a living room suite of furniture. So that’s where the support group sits. People bring snacks, and at one end there is a table set up for coffee and water.  Eventually there were about a dozen people who cycled in and out. All women this particular evening. There is a woman who is the support group – moderator? – she kind of leads and tries to keep a general order to things. It was a very comfortable feeling. I would recommend trying it to anyone who is dealing with something. It might just be what you need.

Everyone introduced themselves by first name and what type of cancer they had. Then because there was a new person (me) we went around again and said a synopsis of our cancer history. Because there were 12 people and cancer patients love to talk about their cancers and treatments this took the whole time. So I don’t know what happens on evenings when there aren’t new people. It was really interesting to hear everyones story. We ran the gamut from people who had relatively easy (?) cancers and treatments to people who had been through hell, and people who were choosing to treat their cancers without radiation & chemo and people who were choosing to just not treat their cancers and let it progress. No judgements.

Hopefully my schedule will permit to go again and see if it’s a fit for me. I have a problem with doing anything on a regular basis that takes me away for that long but I think it would be worth it if I can push myself. I think there is a lot of shared information, and support to be had there.

All right, enough shilly shallying this morning. Off to start my day. I think I will skip my 10,000 steps & treadmill today. My lungs don’t hurt as bad as they have been earlier this week but I have started coughing. I think I am FINALLY having some of the tissue break up that was microwaved. I heal incredibly slowly these days.

 

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It’s Wednesday this time!

How do people live without music? Music makes my brain relax, my heart-rate slow or speed up and  completely changes my mood. I can make myself happy, or bouncy or melancholy just by changing the music.

They make music for working out that matches a certain heart-rate because your body will adapt to the music and try to synchronize with the beat. Lovely.

I had to buy another dog bed so the dog would be allowed to lay in her bed. Of course everyone wants the “new” bed. I think it’s first come first serve.

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My lung (yes singular) hurts quite bad again today. I don’t know what’s going on but I don’t like it at all. Feels like something is moving and catching on things in there.  I figure I probably can’t really hurt it anymore than it’s been hurt so I’m not going to worry about it, just bitch about it. I still have a couple more weeks before I go back to the doctor. It is an extra long reprieve because he is out of town for “boards”. I’m not really sure what that means. I assume he doesn’t have to pass his and he is really already a doctor.

The waiting is weird. I am enjoying having a semi normal life but I dislike the anticipation of what will be next and the uncomfortable thought that I am doing nothing to slow the growth of those pesky tumors.

I think today will be cake making day if I have time. I need to go buy eggs, I have a dentist appointment, and it’s Wednesday (I am positive this time) so I would like to try and make it out to the cancer support group. I just want to see what it’s all about and see if it’s something that would benefit me.

I finished my latest book yesterday. Kindred by Octavia E. Butler. I read it because she is a science fiction writer, but this is not really a sci-fi book. Good book though.

 

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Today

Thinking about staying in bed all day. Just not feeling it.

I woke up at 2:00 am with a headsplitting headache. The kind that makes you curl up in a ball on the bathroom floor. Now I have just a normal headache but my stomach feels bad. I’ve been slowly working myself off of the heavy duty acid blocker they had me on during chemo and that’s a horrible process. Anyone who has ever been on nexium and tried to stop will understand. The rebound effect is just terrible. I was on Nexium for a couple of years because of an ulcer and then stopped it. Blech.

Did you know kids have more taste buds than adults? I have Modern Marvels on TV while I type this and they are showing how different candies are made. Fascinating.

I am going to Texas next week for a couple of days. It will be nice to get warm.

My husband has been out of the country for a week so I have concentrated on getting some strength back. I have been on the treadmill for three miles a day and been hitting a yoga class three times a week. I also moved my giant rubber ball into the living room so I do random ball exercises. I really have no muscle left and it affects everything else. I have a finite amount of time before I’ll start some sort of treatment again and I would like to get as strong as possible before then to handle whatever comes as well as possible. The lung biopsy and tumor ablation really put a damper on my plans. I’m still having a lot more lung issues since then. It feels like that weird burn you get in your lungs when you’re at the beginning of a lung sickness, like bronchitis. All this cold air is not helping at all.

All right. enough public whining. I think I will go read my book and think about breakfast.

 

 

 

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P-A-I-N

I have been in a lot of pain since last Thursday. Well, that’s not true, it really started on Friday after all of the drugs they gave me on Thursday wore off. I have to keep googling my symptoms to reassure myself that everything is normal. It is. It also gets a little better every day so that is reassuring.

I remember having a lot of pain after the lung needle biopsy last time, I guess it makes sense that another lung needle biopsy with the addition of the same spot being microwaved would probably be as bad or worse.

The pain comes in segments. It seems to be triggered by movement. Unfortunately most of the time that movement is breathing. It was hitting every hour or so and would last then for 5 to 20 minutes. The biggest problem with this is sleep. If you are waking up every 45 to 60 minutes and then staying awake for a half an hour it is exhausting. So the good news is last night I finally slept!!

I had two bouts of pain, one after I had been asleep for a couple of hours and then again about five hours later. I think the second bout I just went ahead and integrated into my dreams. Not a particularly pleasant dream but at least I slept through most of the pain.

I feel so much more coherent today. It’s nice to have my brain back again. Mostly.

 

 

 

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