All of the diseases I DON”T have

I am sitting at chemo and told the love nurse my pulmonologist saga. She called their office and found out that he is out of the country but the nurse at that office pulled up my final culture results and not one of them was positive. So, still, no one knows what it was/is in my lungs. I have a giant mass that shrunk on anti-biotics, that burns when I breathe and that is outside the realm of medical science.


She also explained to the person on the phone that it didn’t seem right that they would want me to take anti-fungals when the test results say I don’t have a fungal infection. The nurse on the phone agreed that maybe she should check on that. I don’t mind taking them if someone can tell me why they think I have a fungal infection that is untestable, I mean I really do want to clear this thing up. But I do not want to damage myself for no reason.

These chemo nurses are always so excellent! Though they did finally say something about my weightloss today. Quietly and with concern. 🙂 I just showed them my muscles.

Echocardiogram results never showed up. They are hunting those down now so I can actually get treatment. sigh. Always something. At least my blood work all came back good!





*my favorite word and used as an exclamation, not directed at a person usually


My Brain in the Morning


I start every day worrying about everything. I think about everything that may happen in the day and worry about it and decide what to do about it, then usually I put it to the back wall of my brain. This is not something I do intentionally, it’s some weird pattern I have gotten into. I don’t think it’s a bad habit that I need to break, I think it may be a strange self defence mechanism that I developed. I use to blog early in the morning and you could see the angst on the screen. I guess it’s how I plan my day.

Todays plan involves hair color, treadmilling, cleaning, laundry, shopping, lunch, shopping with Katy, and meeting with remodeling company to get estimates on new kitchen counters and bathroom updates.

A few months ago I wrote about meeting yet another person I went to school with in the chemo chair. She touched base with me yesterday on Facebook, that was nice. All of the people I know, from West Toledo, who have/ had cancer dealt with Breast cancer. I really would like to know how many of them have the ERB2 mutation. And since not all cancers are tested, how many people with other cancers also have it, and don’t know. Those are the people I worry about.  If they haven’t been tested they are being treated with the wrong medicines. I just don’t understand why, if we have this technology we aren’t doing the right thing. It is such a source of frustration for me. If I knew all the things now, back at the beginning, I would have gone up to Detroit, first. I would have insisted that they do tumor dissection and testing at Karmanos and type my cancer. They would have found out immediately that I was ERB2 positive and done chemo with the right meds, right then. That means, potentially no surgery, I would have refused standard radiation, and I would probably still be on the same chemo. So much permanent damage that probably could have been avoided.

Okay – todays plan involved me getting out of bed soon. Hop on the treadmill for two miles. Then I am going to go shopping for a dress for my anniversary dinner, meet my daughter for lunch, then she and I will go to Joanne fabrics where I will buy supplies so she can make me a new drawstring backpack. I have a cheap small one that I bought in Amsterdam and they are just so handy I need a larger one and found a pattern online. So many ways to make it a great bag. A little pocket, a fun choice in fabric, better straps.

I have now cleared my mind of all the angst and questions of the day so I can get moving.

Hey Katy – if you see this – I hae some vertigo going today – just curious if you do as well? I suspect mine is weather related today.





The easiest insult ever

So, I have had two physical therapy sessions in a pool. The first one was two Fridays ago. I go in, I check in, then I go to the locker room, change, and go to the pool. There was one other person in the pool, an older man. Then PT Lynn comes in and spends 30 minutes directing me on how to fix my brokenness, watching with great care to make sure I am not hurting myself, and am doing things correctly.

This friday, I went in, checked in,changed in locker room, went to the pool, where there is one other person, an older man, and in comes Lynn the PT who says “are you Tracy?”