This morning I was looking for a link on my blogs dashboard. It was the link for Facebook comments. It’s kind of weird plugin, I only see the facebook comments if I go to the post and look for them, so I frequently miss comments.
I keep the link in my Drafts folder and today I realized I had about a dozen drafts. Sometimes I go in and type a paragraph or two and then stop to wait and see if I really want to post about whatever I am talking about. I started deleting them and then realized I should instead copy them all into one manic doesn’t make any sense post. Sadly some of the really mean and nasty ones have already been deleted.
I was very sick yesterday AGAIN. I hope today is easier. It’s just like it was when I was getting radiation treatments. My insides are just very very angry about all these antibiotics and antibacterials. I am feeling stronger, but eating is back to being a very big issue and having to plan my day around being very sick. It’s demoralizing. I am doing all of the right things and all I can do is hope that it balances out at some point.
Tami – if you see this – Your strawberry plant is beautiful! I bought an actual big plant, not little baby starters and within hours of putting it in new soil and a pot it went crazy! It’s flowering and budding and crazy. I never have my camera when I am in the front of the house.
I spent a lot of time yesterday being grateful that we moved. Life is so much easier when your house is not fighting against you and falling apart.
We drove by our old house last weekend to see what they were doing and what plants survived. They just chopped everything down! All the bushes, and trees and pretty plants, except for the hostas and the yuccas. I guess someone liked those. It looks strange. The neighbors house looks even worse now.Oh, I just went and did a quick search. Looks like the owner is now a Mortgage company. We didn’t think he would be there long. I told the guy who bought my house he should keep an eye on it because it would be up for sale soon. He can own the block. 🙂
I have the Kelly show on in the background and her co-host today is Seal. He is a terrible co-host.
EDIT~I went into my email after posting this and saw weirdness from one of my doctors. He posted new lab results for me. and I couldn’t figure out why and just noticed this small note on the bottom.
Probably should have requested the additional testing six weeks ago when they were actually working with my results. This whole thing has been disappointing when it comes to communication with that doctor.
Why me? Why not me? Why them? Why not.
I was thinking about Stephanie, my ex neighbor who had the heart transplant last week. She has survived so much in her young life. She also learned how to go out and get what she wants. Think those two things have something to do with each other? I do. I hope she has a wonderful support system. I have known her since she was, I think, about 11 years old. There is a direct correlation in her lifes timeline to triumph and changes. Every time she overcame something she got a little stronger. She decided what she wanted and then started learning how to get it, regardless of what people said, and sometimes in spite of it. I think what I am trying to say is she crossed that line. She learned priorities. Just do things now.
Haha – you can tell I am back on the antibiotics after a couple of days break because of a pharmacy snaffu. It drags my system down and makes me introspective. Today may have to be a rest day. I was pretty active this weekend after three weeks on the couch. I did the worlds smallest, easiest workout on Saturday – and I am SO SORE! My husband and I went in and out of stores all weekend and on Saturday I ate, and ate and ate. I would prefer not to gain back all the weight I lost, I just want to gain muscle, this is not the way to do it. But, since I am back on the drugs I am trying not to worry about it, and just eat when I can. I bought two more plants. A chamomile for tea and the canary – she loves chamomile flowers, and a strawberry. It’s a very cool strawberry plant. I am sure you will be seeing pictures shortly. So this summer I can stock up on tomatoes, mint, catnip, chamomile and strawberries. I can’t imagine I would ever do a garden, but I do like having a few pots of fresh things when I can.
I am going to go on a little roadtip in June hopefully. My daughter and I will drive up for lunch with my friend in Chicago and hopefully her brother. I, apparently, need a babysitter and am not ALLOWED to drive by myself for more than thirty minutes and I love little trips with my Kates and we didn’t do what turned into our annual birthday roadtrip the last year. Kates may or may not have lunch with us, she might just enjoy hanging out at the hotel. Who knows. Not firm plans, everything has to be flexible these days.
Edit: my computer finally updated but now the battery is dead so I guess I have to get up and find a plug. This is my bedside table. Things are getting out of hand.
Sometimes I will be curled up in bed watching Survivor that I recorded and feeling pretty shitty and then I suddenly think – what the heck? Why am I in bed? Why aren’t I taking care of business? Then in my head a little lightbulb (christmas tree led size) goes off and I suddenly remember I am actually sick.
I think that’s probably why I have kept going when some other people choose to just stay down. Most of the time I forget I am sick in the front part of my brain, the back part of my brain knows and keeps me from panicking when I suddenly can’t function but I just keep forgetting on a minute to minute basis.
When I am feeling really sick, and really weak my brain also stops functioning correctly. I can’t think in straight lines. I think it’s because my body is fighting so hard there is nothing left for my brain. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate that when that happens I can shut down. I do not have worry about it. I have adjusted my lifestyle so that 99% of the time I have no responsibilities that can’t be put off and for that 1% my husband just knows when it’s time and he steps up and takes care of things. Normally I don’t have to ask, he just does it. That’s pretty cool too.
That’s all. Just wanted to remember where I am today.
Let’s find a random picture to add.
When I am sitting – I feel pretty good now. As long as I don’t eat, or breathe too much.
When I stand the whole world moves a little sideways. I think I just have to fight through it now. I am still on only half a dose of the antibiotics. He will probably double the dose tomorrow. My lungs are on fire – which is probably good. means it’s doing stuff. I have only left the house for Dr’s appointments for the last two weeks. This is really the craziest thing I have ever experienced. This is worse than the fatigue from when I was doing radiation and chemo at the same time.
I know people who love me are going to say no, I need to rest, but honestly, at this point I think I am resting so much it’s a detriment. It’s making me so much weaker. I managed to get a thousand calories in me yesterday. Today will we will shoot for 1200.
My husband has been incredibly patient. He just lets me lay on the couch for 18 hours watching television and asks me every couple of hours if I need anything. I think I will try Taco Bell for dinner. Seriously. I think It’s been at least six months without Taco Bell. Maybe it’s exactly what I need. 🙂
I have a ten o’clock phone appointment – maybe I can take a shower before that. Done with my day by 11am! Or….I could eat some yogurt now – rest until 10 – then shower at 11 and done with my day by noon.
The lesson for all of us is if you get pneumonia – go to bed for a couple of weeks instead of fighting through it!! Okay – that’s a simplification – because it wasn’t normal pneumonia so it wouldn’t have helped. But it probably wouldn’t have hurt.
You know what would also help? Summer warmth!!!
Did I tell you that last time I was at the Infectious Disease Doctor he patted me on the head and said I had a nice brain? LOL – He is pretty adorable. I have to make sure and write him good reviews online for the next person.