Emotional Blackmail

Woke up at 4am with a headache! BASTARD! Hate that. You just can’t get restful sleep with a headache. I have minimal responsibilities today so I guess it will be a good day for it. I wonder if we had a weather change in the middle of the night. definitely feels like a barometric headache. two cups of coffee, and some extra morning drugs will take care of the pain.

Speaking of pain, went back to my standard workout at the gym last night. DUDE I am so weak! But, it’s time to start back in. I survived. I am going to have to learn to workout with shoes on I think. The neuropathy in my feet is really bad and I noticed it affecting in weird ways last night. One the mats I use my big toes for grip, hey guess where the biggest numb patches are? Bummer because working out barefoot is so nice for me.

When I workout at night I leave for the gym at 6:30. I workout from 7pm to 8pm, home by 8:30. With this kind o workout you absolutely cannot have a full stomach so I am very careful about when and what I eat for lunch, and I do not eat dinner before I workout. When I come home I have dinner, then I have an hour or so and I go to bed. I have noticed in my two months of no regular workout schedule that I eat from 6pm to 9pm. The whole damn three hours!  It will be good to get back to a better eating schedule. Bad Habits. I do need to make the switch to 4:00 workouts, but I need to stay healthy long enough to get my muscles back first, and I really need to get my lungs functioning better first. CT Scan in two weeks so we’ll see where we stand!

One year ago today my husband came and looked at our condo for the first time. Hard to believe it’s been a year. I should really unpack those boxes in the garage. I need a set of shelves. I have a small amount of things that are not useful, purely emotional or decorative, but I have no place to put them. I either need to just get rid of them all, or buy something to hold them.

Going out for dinner tonight with my sister and cousin, that will be nice. Also going out of town for a couple of days with my daughter  in two weeks. Definitely looking forward to that.




The title has nothing to do with the blog. 🙂



Breaking up is hard to do

Do you ever try to break a habit? It is something I try to do every few months, either start a new habit or break an old one. I think of it like learning, which is good exercise for your brain.

Right now I am trying to train myself to only turn on one light in my bathroom. I know it seems like a silly thing. When I walk into a dark bathroom, or any dark room for that matter, I flip on all switches on the panel next to the door. My bathroom has two lights and a fan. Three switches. Not turning on the fan is easy because my hand does not cover that third switch when I reach over. But dang it is turning out more difficult than I expected to learn not to turn on the shower light!

In other news we officially have snakes in our backyard!

I will let you guess which kind we have, here is a list of all potentials.





Just Checking in!

I am doing great!

First day of summer – got up and opened all the windows. What a perfectly beautiful morning. Low 60’s and sunshine.

All of my meds seem like they are doing their jobs and my side-effects are, while not gone, at least at tolerable levels. The shot I am getting for my digestive system every month is definitely helping. I would encourage anyone with ongoing digestive issues of unknown cause to talk to their doctor about it. What can it hurt to try?

This is my list;

Feet & Hands – neuropathy – this is pretty painful and aggravating but I’m dealing with it. My feet and fingers are both painful and numb at the same time. I also have neuropathy on my tongue, which is just weird.

Digestive system – well, between the heavy doses of antibiotics, chemo meds and past damage from abdominal radiation you would think I would just give up and go liquid diet only but I keep on trying. I take a lot of meds and for the most part am doing okay.

Arms – the side effect from one chemo med leaves me with incredible sensitive skin on my arms but the compound cream I get is very helpful. Over the year of getting perjeta I have learned not to touch my arms and that is the biggest help.

Lungs – well – I don’t know. They don’t seem a lot better yet, but it’s just hard to tell.

Heart – echocardiogram every three months, one this week, and seems like we’re doing good!

Nose – Still running. Probably permanent damage – nothing to do about it.

Eyes – yes, this is a new one. The antibiotic I was on for a month that caused me all the terrible terrible trouble also was the one with the side effect of vision loss. Going to make an appointment with my ophthalmologist today. Probably fine, just paranoid at this point..

Ears – HA! Fooled you! Nothing new on the ears. Still have the Vestibular issues, I get dizzy and have permanent and temporary hearing loss but we’re pretty stable. As long as I don’t think about it my brain naturally adjusts. If I think or talk about it the room tips and I notice the hearing loss. Isn’t that weirdest thing?

Head – I am back to mostly feeling positive and HAPPY! I may be taking handfuls of pills a day, but I wake up EVERY SINGLE MORNING!

I hope you are as lucky as me, and appreciate every thing you have. If you don’t, then you need to decide why, and change it. Every day that you are unhappy is just a waste, and shame on you. No, let me say that how I am saying it here: SHAME ON YOU!! So many people with no choice and here you are wasting your time on being in situations that don’t enhance your life.