I must have had bad dreams that I do not remember. I woke up so sad. I did not sleep well and I have been sick the last couple of days. A family dinner is exactly what I need.

Last night we went to dinner with my sister and nieces and my daughter and her husband. It was nice but it was an asian grill place and that is not conducive to conversation.

My puppy is giant!

Is anyone watching Search Party? I like it. Weird and quirky.

In the next four weeks I am having a CT Scan an echocardiogram, a mammogram, a bone scan, and a colonoscopy. I guess if anything is wrong, anywhere, I will know!

I hope it is a wonderful day for everyone.


I would like more exclusivity in my club

I have had my blogging choked by wanting to talk about something but not sure how to. One of my pet peeves is when people add drama to their lives by reacting to other peoples problems, but I need to write about what is on my mind and so I apologize because I will be doing just that.

I am feeling like I took a gut punch because of another person in my extended circle being diagnosed with cancer. How can this be? Will I someday walk into chemo and find a room full of people I know? Oh. this is actually much harder to write about then I thought it would be. I guess I will just say it hurts my heart. It does not seem right that there are so many of us.

The other part of this for me has got to be classified as survivors guilt. I want everyone to have the experience that I have been lucky enough to have. I want them all to be healthy enough to have an amazing life and it has not worked out that way for everyone. When I talk to people with early stage cancer I want to explain that not everyone will have it come back like mine did. When I talk to people with late stage cancer I want to apologize for being so lucky.  A part of me thinks I should be sicker. I don’t know. My brain is just having trouble with all of this.



Getting back in the habit

HaHaHa….I turned on my little keyboard and opened my blog to type out something very important. By the time I did this, I forgot what I was going to say. My poor sad brain.

I have not been sleeping well since my last chemo all because of the one terribly uncommon and so annoying side effect, itchy arms! It has been really bad this week. I wonder if it is a cooler weather thing? Oh..maybe dryness in the air makes my skin more sensitive? I will have to pull out the humidifier today and get it set up. I have always been a terribly light sleeper and I think adding that makes me rarely drop into a deep sleep. Thank goodness I have so few responsibilities that need me to be awake an alert on demand.

I have a bunch of prepare for winter things that need to be done but I am out of oompf. I think the puppy is sucking my willpower out. Four or five more months and she will require less supervision, right?

Well the next four years may be interesting! Everyone (except the career politicians) has been saying we need a sweeping change and finally we have got it, for better or worse! I wonder what the White House will look like clad in Gold Mirror?




Super glue beneath your wings

Are you a cheerleader or a heckler?

I am, by nature, a heckler. My sarcasm streak runs deep. I do not intend to be unsupportive or mean but I have to be very careful because my first instinct is almost always to be biting. Having said that, I do not understand people whose first instinct is to make someone feel worse. If I know you feel bad about a mistake I would not liberally sprinkle salt in the wound. Just so you know.

Unrelated but sounds like it is not; I almost hope Donald Trump wins just so I do not have to listen to at least four years of disrespectful jokes about Hilary Clinton.

My husband and I voted a couple of weeks ago.

I did not sleep well last night, at all! I think it was a sugar effect, not an election day result.  When I am sick it makes me want to curl up and be cozy, and I am generally nicer. When I am tired I just want the world to leave me the hell alone! Good day to avoid the public I think.

Not talking about the politics of Tim Kaine but when he talks I just want to smile. He looks like such a nice man. He is on GMA as I type this.

I need to find something to focus on. Maybe it is time to start planning Christmas dinner. I am suffering from Social Media envy. When you watch other peoples adventures and lives and think “Why isn’t that me?” So much of my life is controlled by circumstances.