I should probably just edit my previous post but that would break the 24 hour rule.
Sometimes, especially right now in these struggling times of just trying to get a handle on what’s going on, I want to talk incessantly about how bad I feel sometimes. The problem is, I know I could talk about these things, but then I would just make the people around me feel bad, and since they’re in the same boat as me, and probably have the really bad times, and the better times so I don’t want to take that one moment they may be having of feeling better and bringing them right back down. Especially when I know my bad moment will only last for a little bit then I’ll feel better again.
Today at work I was feeling so bad. Just dragging down into a pit of blobby horribleness. It was because the oncologist scheduler called me and I had to talk about it. I went from bopping along at work and concentrating to discussing horrible cancer appointments. I just kept working and and getting more and more sad and then I finally stood up from my desk and popped on my earbuds and took a walk. What a gloriously wonderful day. Perfect weather. What a difference.
You know, a huge percentage of people die of accidents instead of disease and old age. They have no chance to appreciate the awe of just enjoying a simple beautiful day. They have no chance to try and help the people that care about them come to terms and get ready. They’re just gone. I don’t want to be sick,I don’t want to deal with all the horribleness that will probably come from trying to reverse this and stay alive, but at least I have that option and I have time and a warning.