When I hold this little spring my bottom teeth hurt.

I assume that there are other people in the world who have a tooth reaction to certain metals, but I do not know why.



My emotions are 100% effected by the people around me.



I was unprepared for Chemo side effects today. You adjust so quickly to something that you do on a regular schedule that you stop noticing it. My body enjoyed it’s six week break from the drugs but today I feel like someone whacked me in the face.

I have also been sleeping so restlessly the last few months which makes it worse.

I will officially declare it a rest day.

One of the effects I experience is I become more emotional, my barriers become thinner and more penetrable. I try not to make important decisions or talk about sensitive subjects.

I have 100 things to bitch about now to follow that up, but I just ran out of energy! 

I wish I had about $5000 extra dollars to have this testing done:

It tests your CTC’s – (circulating tumor cells) for reactions to substances, both drugs and natural. If someone showed me a report that showed me turmeric killed my cancer cells, guess what I would be eating at every meal?

The testing I had done in 2014 is similar except it’s like the baseline test that shows the type of mutation you have and then uses reported interactions to show that certain drug therapies are not normally effective, or are effective. This testing uses your actual cells with the actual drugs. Very individualized. 

I am doing statistics at work. Just collecting information on all clients. The correlation between income and insurance and Cancer Stage at diagnosis is obvious just from browsing. If you are poor in this country you are far more likely to die.

Yesterday I dropped both dogs off at daycare before Chemo and then after chemo my cleaner was here for four hours so she and I de-puppied the house. Cleaned all the hair, washed everything that could be washed.

Puppy came home and peed on the floor. 




I am frustrated by my vision and hearing loss. Both are very bad again. The vision loss really bothers me. I find myself squinting constantly, especially outside.


5 thoughts on “Bitch..Bitch…Bitch…

    1. I have no idea, it’s always been that way. Maybe it’s all the metal in my teeth?I think someone else will pop up and say “hey me too”

  1. The insurance thing really gets me going. We are lucky, as is my dad with great insurance. My kids are not. And it just should not be in this country. Honestly if I could, I would pick up my whole family and move to New Zealand. If that makes me unpatriotic, so be it.
    I can understand why you get emotional after chemo. When you don’t feel well, I think that’s pretty normal. Not nice, but completely understandable. Sleeping restlessly doesn’t help anything. I’ve been for a few weeks. And dreaming about my mother…I seem to dream about her when I have some unresolved issues going on that I’m not dealing with so it’s never a comfortable feeling waking up after those dreams.
    I hope you rest well today. Remember all those working days when you wished you could just stay home and do whatever you wanted? I mean I assume you had those days, lol Most of us do / did. Think of it like that. Spoil yourself a little. You’re worth it!

  2. Hi Tracy, it is terrifying about income and education while living with a disease. My sister lived marginally [financial and mentally], without the internet in a world where health care workers assume that everyone is plugged in and capable of searching out viable information. She would have lived longer had she had information. Period. Even here in Canada, where our health system is free, people are dying because of a burdened system and tape wound around mouths and hearts. I have closed down facebook for now, but will see all your posts via Instagram!

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