Bruise to my..

I post so many pictures and snippets on social media that I feel like I over share so I skip blogging. But then I remember this is my place. This is the place with real words and emotions and this is my journal. It’s not for entertainment (usually) or to make friends or influence people, it’s my life. So back to catching up.

I feel all beat to shit this morning! The big dog was just being a giant pain last night so I did not get enough sleep. Yesterday I somehow twisted my little finger and broke a giant blood vessel running down the side so it’s all swollen and blue and sore. You really use your little finger frequently. I have also got a sore nose. Why? I don’t know, but the bridge of my nose hurts.

Yesterday my most recent CT scan showed that they are back to not finding any evidence of cancer so that’s pretty cool. BUT I think my doctor was disappointed because he came in the room and told me and I’m like, yeah…whatever, does it say anything about my rib? I hurt myself six weeks ago.

I was lifting water bottles and something just went bad and I was in a lot of pain for a couple of weeks,then it settled down to just in pain. When I got the CT I asked the tech to point the Dr in that direction. I assumed I had cracked a rib or done something to the cartilage. Nothing showed on the CT. So I’m telling the Dr this whole stupid story and he says “hey – mind if I try something?” I of course say no so he comes over and starts chopping me in the side with his hand. He calmly asks if it hurts as I am frantically looking around the room for a weapon. When I say yes, he says, hmmm..kidney stone. So, another scan scheduled. We’ll see. Could still be a badly strained muscle. I am a little concerned because I have been getting the same pain on the other side too just milder and not as constant. I feel like now that I have brought it to the medical community’s attention it’s okay for me to complain about it.

I start my improv class tomorrow. I am nervous only about finding the place and parking in the dark! It starts at 6:30 and here in ohio that means dark. I hope I enjoy it and go through the whole course. Going out on any sort of set schedule is not really my thing anymore.

The Dr also asked if I would give my permission for them to write a paper about me. I of course once again said yes. Later I had to examine some weird feelings about it and it wasn’t until I was chatting with my sister that I realized what they were. For me, everything that happens (cancer wise) just is. It’s not a big thing, because it’s just me. It’s a set of circumstances that I need to deal with and move on. I rarely spend time thinking long term about it. However having a paper written about you because you didn’t die yet, kind of brings home that seriousness factor.  I hope they do write it up, and I hope it helps some other doctor be as amazing as mine.

I was thinking about ditching work this afternoon and spending a couple of hours writing up some stuff (for work) from home because I am just so tired but I fear physical harm may come to one of these two canines who are being giant pain in the asses for the last 12 hours if I stay here. I will go take a shower and see how I feel I guess.

OMG – I just had to stop typing because of the little dog, and while dealing with him, the big dog accidentally pounced on me and slammed into my shins scratching both legs – one of which is in the same spot that I already have a giant bruise. I need bubble wrap and more gates.

More Coffee & a shower happening now. Thanks for listening.


2 thoughts on “Bruise to my..

  1. I can see how those thougths about the paper would give you cause. I have to tell you that I have told your story more than once. Usually while trying to convince someone to do the Foundation 1 study. But it’s also an inspiring story. I mean had you just gone with that first oncologist….I can’t even express how glad I am that you said, as your daughter put it, Fuck this. I really think that attitude, that determination the way you handled things has as much to do with your wellness as the medicine and the doctors. And I think some ppl are just born with this way of being and you’re one of them. Still takes guts and determination tho. And you have that in spades! Sometimes when I think about what you’ve done and how you wrote your story, it makes me all teary, like right now….I’m just so glad to know you!
    I hope it’s not kidney stones. Waiting for the healing of a rib is way less complicated.
    Dogs are a pita. Just like people but clumsier.

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