I am back in my bad pattern of sleep. Fall asleep quickly, wake up between 2 and 3 am and can’t fall back asleep. When I do it’s only for minutes. Last night my husband did the same thing so that was added fun.
Since I don’t normally have to get up early in the morning I just keep sleeping in little bursts until I want to get up or an animal insists on it. The last two mornings after my husband wakes up but before he goes to work I have had unpleasant dreams and just gone ahead and woken up for the day early.
Yesterday a man attacked me in a cement hallway and today was long and involved about breaking my glasses, then being late for my eye dr appt (which is today) and then losing my phone, wallet, car and car keys!
The 2nd dream had a recurring theme about trying to do something or get somewhere and needing help and no one would help me. Thanks for not holding the window open for me Sarah & Christy!
When I was diagnosed with cancer I became aware of the strange phenomenon of people not feeling good but always prefacing it with “I am sure it’s not as bad as you feel” before telling me. I feel the same way about sleeping issues. I mean I know this is what my mornings look like:
While the majority of people’s mornings look like this:
Big Subject Change
Last week I met with a new UroGynecologist. I had such a bad experience with my OncoGynecologist that I was —> <—- close to a panic attack before the appointment. She was so wonderful. Very happy I finally went. She has prescribed physical therapy for my vagina. For those of you that don’t know what that involves I will just let you use your imagination. If your mind goes to anything pleasant, shame on you.
Many women who have had gynecological cancers are severely and permanently damaged from the treatment but they only talk about the socially acceptable part. Permanent fatigue, neuropathy, maybe fuzzy brain. I mean, do you really think you can have surgeries that take out internal organs, then chemo, then abdominal radiation, sometimes both externally and internally and not have damage? Our bodies or so sexualized in society that we can’t even talk about it unless it’s for a lascivious topic. Frustrating. I think about people that I know that read this** and I think about all the things that have said to me, around me, or about me over the years and I know that they won’t be able to read about vaginal p/t without a giggle. It honestly makes me a little nauseated. Sorry, not sorry but it’s true.
Bring May Powers
May has been designated as my own personal back on track month. I have been such a sloth for April. I have been eating like shit, haven’t run at all, no muscle, just bad bad bad. So, one month, do a quick reset and see if we can get back on track. It feels like I just spent the last couple of months struggling with little sicknesses.
Also MAY is proofreading month. I can’t remember the last time I posted on Social Media of any type without posting something stupid because I didn’t proofread correctly. So if you see typo’s after today, or Stupid Auto-corrects, feel free to call me on it.
Okay – I think I am done. I will have an apple for breakfast which will give me enough energy to get to the afternoon without snapping someone’s nose. I think histamines might make me cranky. Allergies always make me super touchy even when I am on all sorts of allergy medicine and don’t actually feel bad so I think it’s an actual chemical reaction.
** I am regularly surprised when I go look at the website stats by how many people actually wander over to my blogs.