I had a conversation with someone this week that I believe has a very similar personality to mine. A couple of comments exchanged in laughter helped me see the problem I have been having for a little bit that has been causing me some anger. After thinking about it for a bit last night I think it has really helped me work out the issue. I am not one for self reflection generally but I needed to work this out.
So the comment was about helping people. I was sitting with someone who is known for helping people. It is her job, it is her passion. Specifically she helps cancer patients. So I am going to do something to help her, well her organization, and it is a hurdle for her. Because I am a cancer patient, I should be getting help not giving help. I, sitting across from her laugh because if there is one thing I do no want, it is for people to help me. And then I just popped out with, but I get so mad when no one helps me.
“Why doesn’t anyone ever offer to help me? Why doesn’t anyone ever check up on me when my life pattern changes?”
BAM! That was what was making me so angry the last couple of weeks. Well of course no one checks on me. Why would they? I am strong and powerful and do not need anyone.
I have gone through this before but always knew what was going on. For some reason this time I didn’t realize why I was so off balance and feeling mean about people. I need to stop blaming this on other people. I cannot expect people to see more than I show them. I feel much better about the whole thing now and will probably be in better mental health.