I second that emotion

Back in 2011 when I blogged during my cancer surgery and then radiation and chemo it I felt like I was online all the time talking. I wondered if people thought I was crazy for the constant blogging and talking about my daily trips to the hospital for radiation and then long days of chemo when my sister and I would hang out together. I felt like I was perhaps oversharing and it was just daily repetition of the same few things. In July ย (anniversary of diagnoses) ย of this year I went back and re-read all of my blogs from that time. I found there were actually few real blogs. I was blogging more like once a week than once a day. While I shared the new experience of it I did not really talk too much about the daily emotions or physical issues. I just said – hey chemo sucks – can’t eat. Early in the cancer saga I wrote private blogs with more emotional reactions in them and then made them public after a time. I was always cognizant of the fact that my family could read them and I didn’t want to make them any sadder than they already were.

I am determined to try and write more openly about my thoughts and emotions this time. If not for anyone else but me. I know that it’s good to get that stuff out, and it’s good to have a record to be able to go back later. I am lucky because I have people in my life that I can say the bad stuff out loud to. They don’t judge and they don’t try to “cheer me up”. They understand. I didn’t want anyone to think I was sitting at home wallowing in misery and never able to spew, it’s simply not the case.

So, I would expect more blogging.

I think. ๐Ÿ™‚

 

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4 thoughts on “I second that emotion

  1. It is funny how a person often has different perceptions of what they are doing that are totally different than how the people around them perceive what is going on. I never had the feeling that you were oversharing. You were/are almost more matter of fact and not revealing on an emotional level. Being friends online presents unique challenges. I want to know you and I want to understand how you feel. I want to be a friend that gives you the support that you need and knowing what is going on in you helps me be a better friend. So please blog if you can.

    Your sister posted an article 5 things not to say to someone with cancer. i read it and thought but this would be so different for different people. Maybe all people with an illness should write their own version of that. Because people want to be there but not all people are intuitive about their friends needs.

    I can never hear too much about you. Sometimes I don’t have the right words and other times I just may say something stupid. Be patient with me ๐Ÿ™‚ I mean well. I always want to know what you have to say so blog away.

  2. I’m with MB. Sometimes I just want to post “read” so u know I’m there but even though I know you know I’m emotionally connected, I feel ignorant about what u are really feeling. I learn so much from you about the nature of the disease…so keep blogging!!

  3. You too have meant so much to me over the last decade. It’s amazing to think how we came together. ๐Ÿ™‚
    Mary Beth – I tried to respond to this that I would think about the five things during my CT scan, it would give me something to concentrate on, but once I got out I realized my comment didn’t post. No signal in radiology!
    Neither of one you could ever say anything wrong to me.

  4. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Well, that is annoying that your comment didn’t post. Well, keep it in your mind. As women we are socialized to hold back, to not voice our needs and especially not our wants. While I think you are very strong and more likely than a lot of women to say what you want or need, I think when a person gets worn down they may be less likely to do that. Know that you can always do it here.

    Somewhere you mentioned feeling guilty again. Stop that. You are a worthy person. You are deserving of all good and kindness that comes your way. Your mantra should be, “I am worthy.”

Thoughts?

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