I would like more exclusivity in my club

I have had my blogging choked by wanting to talk about something but not sure how to. One of my pet peeves is when people add drama to their lives by reacting to other peoples problems, but I need to write about what is on my mind and so I apologize because I will be doing just that.

I am feeling like I took a gut punch because of another person in my extended circle being diagnosed with cancer. How can this be? Will I someday walk into chemo and find a room full of people I know? Oh. this is actually much harder to write about then I thought it would be. I guess I will just say it hurts my heart. It does not seem right that there are so many of us.

The other part of this for me has got to be classified as survivors guilt. I want everyone to have the experience that I have been lucky enough to have. I want them all to be healthy enough to have an amazing life and it has not worked out that way for everyone. When I talk to people with early stage cancer I want to explain that not everyone will have it come back like mine did. When I talk to people with late stage cancer I want to apologize for being so lucky.  A part of me thinks I should be sicker. I don’t know. My brain is just having trouble with all of this.



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