Hit a new low this morning. Slept for like 10 hours then got up this morning thinking I didn’t feel too bad. Just a little wimpy. Strolled into the kitchen and filled the Keurig – which someone left empty!- strolled into the bathroom and did my morning bathroom things and then started feeling very funny, very fast. Waves of queasy and flop sweat and then then the world started going white. I immediately thought, NO! NOT in the bathroom! Bot myself out and took a nice little rest on the hallway floor. I laid there for a few minutes with the cat nibbling on me and then crawled into the living room because I suddenly thought if Corey comes walking out and sees me laying here he will have a heart attack. As I laid on the living room floor I spied my BP machine and the little light bulb went off in my head. Maybe it spiked. It took about five minutes for the machine to be able to get my blood pressure because it was the opposite problem. It was 82/67. A new and exciting thing for me. So I will ask on Tuesdays Dr’s appointment about that and in the meantime no going anywhere without my phone.
So, probably another day in bed for me. I really do understand better now why everyone kept telling me how amazing it was the first time I went through chemo and basically was able to continue on with my life. This is a whole different ball game.
After 2011’s little bought with cancer I am very conscious of not wasting my time. I don’t generally spend time on things that make me miserable. I find an adventure or experience in almost everything, something to remember and embrace. So this forced downtime of feeling like a big ass pile of wimpyness is really horrible! I just keep thinking about all the time I am wasting. I can’t even justify it by enjoying some down time to read and catch up on trash tv because my concentration is low. I am reading a book, The Martian – thanks Erin – but in tiny little doses.
After my little adventure this morning I got back in the bedroom and woke up my husband, just in case that wasn’t the end, and we hung out in bed for an hour. The kitten of course joined immediately for cuddle time and apparently, enough was enough for the beagle and she jumped up on the bed! This is quite an accomplishment for our old lady. It was pretty damn adorable. At one point Sean came in too. So the whole household was curled up in my bed, except the birds.
So even though I feel like shit and I look even worse, life is good.