Just todays whine

The other day my daughter and I were having a conversation that keeps popping into my head today.

Sometimes I think I should really go find a job. A real, bring in some actual income job. Money is a nice thing.

And some days it seems to feasible. I feel pretty good, I have energy I am strong.

And then the week after chemo hits. I woke up this morning and didn’t feel terrible. Well, except for a stuffy head and not quite back to not nauseated yet. I drank my coffee, and then went out and painted the new portions of my deck. Took me about two hours. Probably should have taken an hour. Came in and realized I should eat so I had a protein bar.

Once Painted the new Stuff looks like it’s always been there!

Handy Man Nate is going to come back and add another row onto the bottom of the gates because of skinny wiggly beagle so I will wait for the 2nd coat. I was just tired of looking at naked wood.

That was four hours ago and I have been pretty much sitting in a chair watching tv (homestead rescue, somehow I missed a whole season) since.

I am completely out of energy. I just have no oomph. I keep thinking of things to do. I should get up and go start some laundry, or make some lunch. I just can’t work up the energy. Blah.

My neuropathy does weird things for the week after chemo. My feet are very tingly. It’s not as painful as I imagine as most people deal with , just constant tingling like they feel asleep. It’s uncomfortable. I am very lucky because mostly I deal with numbness in my fingers.

I feel bad sometimes about my life of leisure. Of having the choice to just shut down for a couple of days. Why do I get this when so many people don’t?

One of the things I have learned is that there is something about the effect of any and all chemo treatments that makes me overly sad and emotional. Luckily that also only lasts for a few days. So today is the day, and tomorrow will be better.

Whine Complete, Lunch next.

Maybe laundry too. Maybe not. I own a lot of clothes I can go a couple more days.



3 thoughts on “Just todays whine

  1. First of all, your deck looks great! I love that you have an actual yard space AND a nice deck. I have not seen anything like that here. If I could find something like that I would be very much in favor of a condo. It’s going to make life easier when it is done, with all of summer ahead!

    Second of all, I hope you can flip the guilt you are feeling into pure gratefulness that you have the option to take things easy when you need to; guilt-be-gone!

    Finally, I hope you feel much better tomorrow!

  2. You have that life of leisure because of your cancer. Never feel bad about having that time. I am grateful that it has worked out that you can have that time. I sometimes wonder if part of you doing as well as you have is because you have that time. Now I don’t think you are as sick from treatment as you were in the beginning so if you really wanted to work and found a place that would work with you then I say go for it.

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