Long and very very rambling

It is has been a strange week. I have a few things I would like to talk about but no form in mind. I will just start typing and we will see where it goes.

My house has been uncomfortable. Everyone is angry or crabby or needy and no one is getting what they need.

My friend Mary Beth had surgery this week and it has highlighted to me how isolated I have become again. I did not even realize she was sick or this was an issue. I am not having any kind of in depth meaningful contact with anyone.

I have been physically weak, sick, and just in general not feeling up. No reason just a conflagration of timing on a bunch of things that will fix themselves.

My glasses disintegrated. The cracked lenses just shattered. Luckily I had a backup pair of glasses that I had ordered from Zenni. I am wearing them now. They are adequate. Not perfect, but will get me through until my Doctors appt and subsequent ordering of new glasses which all together will take about a month! Glad I had the backup pair. I can not be without glasses.

I have spent a lot of time with my daughter in the last two weeks. I am so proud of her. She is a good decent person who tries to do the right thing and help people. She helps me so often. She keeps me sane.

Yesterday just turned weird. It was chemo day. Katy has been going with me to my last few chemos so yesterday we decided to have breakfast beforehand. I dropped the puppy off at daycare to get a pedicure  and get some running in.

Then we met for breakfast at a new (for us) place so that was a little weird. Went to chemo and had a nurse I do not normally have – oh  – she punched my port needle in! Man,that was painful. Bruise on my chest now.

When she took my BP it was a very bad number. I thought it was just the fact that the machine tried six times on one arm but then she tried on the other arm and it was even worse. A half hour later it was back to the normal number I am used to. But, weird.

My daughter had entered a photography contest and the judging and gallery reception were last night. She told me she was not going to go because there was a death in her husbands family and he could not go with  her.  So I told her I would go, I mean, she had to go, right? But I had one small problem, I had signed up for a challenge at the gym  and in order to fulfill the requirements I had to go to the gym yesterday because it was the last day of the challenge and I was one workout short, which I had planned on doing at 7. I had a partner for the challenge so I had to complete it. Resolved that issue but I posted about it in the closed gym group as a reason you should not skip workouts. Somehow this triggered a cascade of Isn’t Tracy amazing posts – which was just weird! I am not. I am a procrastinator who got stuck.

Then we went to the gallery and ran into someone from the gym who talked to me and said some very nice kind things to me, which was weird. I mean, I am a decent person but all these compliments on top of my weird weeks at home was just hard for my brain.

Oh, on the list of stupid things I have done in the recent weeks, I ran out of one of the two antibiotics I have been taking for 13 months. I am so close to being done with them!!! Just ordered the refill Ugh.

I enjoyed looking at the photos in the contest. I am sorry my daughter did not win anything. She is an amazing  photographer. She just has a really good eye. It was a good learning experience for her though, seeing what other people submitted, and what won.

You can tell it’s spring, Frank is always bird watching

I do not know. Everything is just off kilter. I feel like I am suddenly living someone else’s life instead of my own.




8 thoughts on “Long and very very rambling

  1. So funny how life can feel all messed up sometimes; and then, suddenly, it’s not, and it’s impossible to tell what suddenly shifted. I hate when there is disharmony in the family dynamic. I am a person that doesn’t like feeling that someone is mad at me or disappointed in me, and then that throws everything else off. I hope things settle down for you soon.

    Of course I wish I could make a magical suggestion that could just fix it for you! Or even non-magical, of course, as long as it worked.

    1. I can’t believe you slogged all the way through that. Family is hard, it is so much easier to deal with strangers. You can be polite and move on. 🙂

  2. I hope you’re feeling better. That port poke looks ouch! BP is weird. Mine is never good at the Dr. or hospital. They should just never take it until the end – when you’re all settled in. Compliments definitely feel weird – but they are not undeserved. yes. Tracy is amazing and an inspiration. Every single time I have a horrible ugly run and don’t quit – and don’t be weirded out – you. I think of all you have gone through, are going through, and I keep going. So you got that goin’ for ya 😉 hope you’re feeling a little more collected – off kilter is annoying.

  3. *that running sentence is missing words, they were in my head but didn’t make it out onto the keyboard – but you get the picture I think…..*

  4. I hate when life gets weird like that. It’s like all good, then not so much, then just NOT, then it’s all ok again. hang in there.
    But being home, I do get that feeling like you’re not connecting with ppl. Sometimes I get on here and write all this stuff and think, geeze, maybe you shoud talk to ppl irl. It is nice to just be able to have a conversation sometimes.
    The family stuff can really affect one’s mood.. those are sucky times.
    I hate when they take the bp at the beginning of the apt. mine is always wayyyy to high when they do that. So then they do it again, and of course it’s never better. Now I have somethig else to worry about…the first reading! So I sit there thinking should I hold my breath, no…breathe slowly….which of course is impossible! Usually if they do it at the end, or even after I’ve sat there talking to the nurse for awhile it’s fine. Last time they forgot to recheck it at the end and I forgot to remind them so I’ve been wondering on and off since if I should go get it checked agin. ugh What I really should probably do is buy myself a monitor but I’d probably just start stressing every time I got it out! Actually just the thought of buying one (needing one?) stresses me out. i’m such a wuss.
    See, there I went rambling.
    Anyway, take some time to do some nice things for you, hope the fog lifts soon!

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