My Brain in the Morning


I start every day worrying about everything. I think about everything that may happen in the day and worry about it and decide what to do about it, then usually I put it to the back wall of my brain. This is not something I do intentionally, it’s some weird pattern I have gotten into. I don’t think it’s a bad habit that I need to break, I think it may be a strange self defence mechanism that I developed. I use to blog early in the morning and you could see the angst on the screen. I guess it’s how I plan my day.

Todays plan involves hair color, treadmilling, cleaning, laundry, shopping, lunch, shopping with Katy, and meeting with remodeling company to get estimates on new kitchen counters and bathroom updates.

A few months ago I wrote about meeting yet another person I went to school with in the chemo chair. She touched base with me yesterday on Facebook, that was nice. All of the people I know, from West Toledo, who have/ had cancer dealt with Breast cancer. I really would like to know how many of them have the ERB2 mutation. And since not all cancers are tested, how many people with other cancers also have it, and don’t know. Those are the people I worry about.  If they haven’t been tested they are being treated with the wrong medicines. I just don’t understand why, if we have this technology we aren’t doing the right thing. It is such a source of frustration for me. If I knew all the things now, back at the beginning, I would have gone up to Detroit, first. I would have insisted that they do tumor dissection and testing at Karmanos and type my cancer. They would have found out immediately that I was ERB2 positive and done chemo with the right meds, right then. That means, potentially no surgery, I would have refused standard radiation, and I would probably still be on the same chemo. So much permanent damage that probably could have been avoided.

Okay – todays plan involved me getting out of bed soon. Hop on the treadmill for two miles. Then I am going to go shopping for a dress for my anniversary dinner, meet my daughter for lunch, then she and I will go to Joanne fabrics where I will buy supplies so she can make me a new drawstring backpack. I have a cheap small one that I bought in Amsterdam and they are just so handy I need a larger one and found a pattern online. So many ways to make it a great bag. A little pocket, a fun choice in fabric, better straps.

I have now cleared my mind of all the angst and questions of the day so I can get moving.

Hey Katy – if you see this – I hae some vertigo going today – just curious if you do as well? I suspect mine is weather related today.





5 thoughts on “My Brain in the Morning

    1. I really don’t know I asked my doctor why it wasn’t step one for all new diagnosis and he said something about insurance, risks of surgery and how it wouldn’t help everyone. Whatever. We are still fighting the insurance company because we want them to acknowledge that it is a valid proven test and should be covered. That’s the only way to start I think.
      Every month i get the form letter from my insurance company telling me that they won’t pay for my chemo meds because they are experimental. Bastards. If I wasn’t getting them free, I would probably be dying. It makes me so angry.

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