Need more coffee before I make sense

I have had to explore my feelings, not ever my favorite thing, about not being part of a group, twice! In two different situations in the recent months.

It was a painful thing the first time and an interesting one the second. If you have never experienced the feeling of being just outside of a circle of people and not allowed in, it is not a pleasant feeling. But it has made me question my own perceptions of myself. I think in most situations I am reserved but friendly when approached. My problem is when I decide I like you and want to be part of your group I just assume that you have somehow heard and agree with my inner monologue and let me in.

I am trying not to make this too disjointed but my thoughts are rambling and not cohesive on this subject. So maybe we will switch to a stream of consciousness and see where we end up.

The term “mean girls” somehow is apt in our society in adult women. Why?

The best way to adopt the mean girl persona is to pretend to not recognize them even through you do or pretend to not notice they are even there.It says immediately, you are not important.

Sometimes when you feel like you are being excluded, you are not.You are just putting an overlay of your own insecurities on the situation.

Nope, that is all I have today. My brain is muted and quiet today. I have a dog making happy rolling around in her bed noises and a cat trying to cuddle with me. I have so much going on for the next couple of weeks.

I read a book this weekend that I thought was interesting and really fit with my thought patterns the last few months. I did not realize it was a YA book when I grabbed it from the library (online) but it was a quick read. I cannot remember the name! Damn it. Hold on. The Hundred Lies of Lizzie Lovett. The main character is a high school senior who feels like she has been ostracized and is not part of any group.

I did not feel good all weekend! My eyes are watery and my sinuses, hips and arms are all burning for three different reasons. I did sleep really well Saturday night and last night but now I just want to curl up and go back to sleep. I am a slug this month.





6 thoughts on “Need more coffee before I make sense

  1. The slug has been my mascot for the last couple of months. I would like to trade up to at least a snail.

    I have hard time imagining any group that would exclude you. It just seems like you would effortlessly fit in anywhere.

    This post strikes me as I was just bemoaning my friendless state to myself last night (talking to myself, of course). It is not the same as being outside of a group, quite, but it is not ideal. My Mom always told me, “You have to be a friend to have a friend”; I am not approachable, I think. Or maybe I don’t reach out enough. Is that almost the same thing? Whatever, it is some fatal flaw.

    Anyway, you are definitely part of a lot of groups, and you have a lot of friends! I’m sorry you haven’t felt well. I hope today is a better day!

    1. I have much sympathy with the friendlessness! I have always been the worst friend. I am nice and I am friendly and I will be your best friend, all without ever actually letting you get to know me. I find it very difficult to really trust people enough to talk to them about my feelings, or anything emotional. I have been trying to get better at it, but it is tough.
      Thank you for your perception of me. 🙂 Life is easier on the internet.

  2. I’ve been dealing with this a bit too…this is me not u…but I realized that for me I’m friendly and reach out when someone needs something but for the most part I don’t engage others. I don’t feel I have the energy (in person) nor the desire. I just have no desire to get wrapped up in drama or other people’s daily problems and quite frankly when I do reach out that is what I get. I think my history has f’d me up. Or maybe it’s just an age thing? Or maybe I’ve been an introvert all of my life and just now feeling the safety in living it?

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