Not awake enough for a title

I understand about living in the moment.

A couple of years ago I wrote a post trying to explain my feelings about waiting for catastrophic news. Though I hadn’t explained that I was waiting for catastrophic news.  It was talking about my interpretation of living in the moment. It was interesting to me how different people interpreted the post.  Yes, this was back when people commented on posts! Do you know the other day I had 67 people click through from facebook and read, but no one ever comments. It’s very weird. You psycho stalkers!

Anywho… I am back in the position of waiting for catastrophic news but this time since I talked it about it openly and publicly I can explore my feelings and reactions to it publicly. I do not dwell on the waiting part. For every moment that I don’t know I can enjoy what I am doing at that moment. It started on Thursday. When I went for a walk at lunchtime on Thursday a part of me said what if this is the last lunchtime walk I get to take? So I enjoyed it even more. I looked at every mushroom and I checked on some grapes that I have been watching grow all summer. I enjoyed the music in my ears and amazing feeling of freedom that I get from taking a half hour in the middle of a work day to wander our beautiful little neighborhood. I hope JMS hired the guy that I helped when he was lost in the neighborhood. He seemed like such a nice guy.

On Thursday when I was leaving my workout I was thinking, what if I don’t get to work out with these people again? -wait. I must explain. It’s not like I’m thinking I’m going to be dead but there are a lot of things that can happen and I know that if on Tuesday afternoon they say you have cancer in the lungs things will change drastically and my lifes patterns will be disrupted, at the least, for a long time. And in that time the rest of the world will go on. Maybe by the time I get back to working out, they won’t be. They have been so much fun an enjoyed the last 10 months so much. They have helped me learn now strong I can be physically, not just mentally.

For me, that is what living in the moment is. Stopping and noting each and every moment. I am not sitting around thinking of the negative consequence of any news that I might get, I am filling my brain with the joy I feel at each and every moment of my life right now, just in case I have to adapt and make changes later. If everything changes there will be still be moments, they will just be different and I may have to look a little harder to find them.


8 thoughts on “Not awake enough for a title

  1. I bet I know why so few comments. assuming ppl are like me….and WHY I’d assume that is because incase you haven’t figured it out, I’m slightly neurotic. So, I came here, I read, I reacted. Like I do on posts and blogs, as if the person who wrote it is sitting across the table from me having a cup of coffee. I told a story about my uncle.
    And then I thought, ok, exactly what does this have to do with Tracy? Does it sound like I’m comparing her to him? yes I think it does, because really, yes I was. Is that terribly helpful or enlightening? Uh probably not, sounds like I wasn’t listening to her or something, so, Highlight, Delete.
    Long story short, you are brave, and joyful, you appreciate the absurd which makes you pretty funny.
    I have a quote on my pintrest that says “replace fear with curiosity”. When I read it, I thought of you. You’re a thinker, but the pragmatist in you makes you…so many things, so let’s just call it, Cool! And that should be my only reply here. And maybe that we should all take the time to allow ourselves to think, and notice what’s all around us..yeah I think that’s called appreciating, which you are really good at.

    1. I think that is an amazing comment and I wish I wasn’t in the car so that I would have a keyboard to respond. Thank you for the wonderful compliment. The fun part is that it is an unsigned comment. I now have the chance to try and figure it out from writing style! Your spelling, punctuation and formnate perfect so you are obviously intelligent and I would say a reader. You commented on my humor so you know me fairly well. You mention an uncle so you are not orphaned. Hmmmmm. You also mention neurotic so you think I know you a little well.
      I want to say it is Deb or Mary Beth but I do not think you were a Xanga person. Stumped.

  2. That comment is why I am glad we have Tami for a friend. I just love her.

    Craig was asking how you were doing. I told him that I thought you were going to just put it aside (as much as humanly possible) and wait until you know for certain what was going on. I was hoping that is what you were doing but I am not sure how possible that is but I should know by now that you often actually do what the rest of us wish we could do.

    I like Tami’s answer but I think people just don’t know what to say. I feel like I could say anything to you and in times like this I don’t know what to say and say less because of that. Oh the other hand when it is just an every day blog, people are just lazy. I am. I know I read when I am on the ipad and think I will come back and comment when I am on the computer and don’t get back to it.

    I am really glad you are living in the moment. I think more of us should try and do that. So much gets away from us when we don’t.

    1. Tami, was my third guess! Apparently I’m just not good at guessing!
      Please tell Craig I said thanks for asking about me. I really am trying to wait until I have news before I think to much about it though at the same time I’m thinking about it in the background all the time. No way around me. But, either way I am still doing fine!

  3. It’s funny…just one of those idiotic expressions…when I read your post…my first thought is…I want to have this mental health and then I ground to a stop because I don’t want to go through what you have been through to get where you are…so that is what I’m thinking about today. It’s Tuesday, today is when Tracy finds out..first thing I thought when I woke up today. That’s all I can say and tell you because everything else seems so inadequent!

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