Not Sequins!

There is a sequence of events with cancer. At least in my head, because of my past experiences. Sometimes they happen over years, sometimes they happen over months but it always seems to be the same sequence


You have cancer, you have a treatment plan. You become. “A Cancer Patient”

Your treatment plan is working. You look like “A Cancer Patient” but as time goes on you start thinking everything is going to be okay

They find more cancer. Either a return, or it has spread further than they originally though. New more aggressive treatment plan goes into place. You lose your spunk and spark for a little bit because now you feel really beat down


A break from everything. Breathe in, Breathe out.

 Things are looking a little grimmer, all the standards are done and you’re looking for out of the box ideas to make things better.

Suddenly they say the words you never want to hear and the cancer is in a place where the odds are bad. Where no treatment ever really works.

I feel like I am circling event 5 over and over again which only leaves event 6. Just thinking about those words is causing a mild panic attack every time.

Of course, that is when I write out here. When I am at the end of my introspective part, when I can finally put my thoughts and feelings into words and am ready to share. It almost always means that I have worked through the hard stuff and am ready to move on.




6 thoughts on “Not Sequins!

  1. The whole thing makes me sick when I think about it. And the insurance company really pisses me off. That you have to fight to get the right treatment is just beyond the pale. I am really sorry you have to go through this.

    1. Thank you. I struggle with writing about it these days. I don’t want to make anyone else feel bad, I suspect my next writing will be about the guilt of being sick and causing pain to other people.