Old Hurts and Resentments

So this is what happened.

When I was about 40 I started having period problems. Terrible horrible period problems. I went to my doctor and told her, and she said, hmm, well let’s wait and see what happens. So we waited. Six months later more problems, lots of pain, terrible things happening. Call my doctor, she says, hmm probably nothing but let me see if I can get you a doctor to help. I don’t know what she said to these doctors but no one would see me. And then, my problems stopped. No more pain, no more periods, ever. She said, weird, early menopause. I said, okay, great.

A few months later I went to an endocrinologist who said, no. You should be checked. This is not normal. Went back to my doctor and she said, hmmm, no it’s okay.

Two years later I was diagnosed with stage 3b cervical cancer. I was diagnosed because I switched doctors and because my cancer finally advanced enough to show up on a pap. My particular cervical cancer went inward and I had a very large tumor on the outside of my uterus.

So Doctor #1 is not my favorite person. I did, as a patient, what I was supposed to do.

Last night I went to the support group at my Doctors office/Chemo Center. My doctor, who is also a cancer survivor was speaking and I really wanted to hear his story. It was great, I really enjoyed it. He has so much of the same outlook as me that now I understand why we always got along.

During the Q&A session a heard a voice say from behind me “well, I am glad you are my oncologist”. Turn around and SON OF A BITCH it’s doctor #1. I was just overcome by anger. I had to leave before there was any chance we came face to face. My reaction surprised me. Not my normal reaction, and not what I want to feel in any situation.

Anger Gauge Representing Dial Outraged And Scale

I think I probably need to find a way to get over it, but I honestly doubt I will, so I am not going to spend too much time worrying about it!




2 thoughts on “Old Hurts and Resentments

  1. Holy crap….. much stronger language needed!!!! How do u get over that? How do you make this okay? I would have had a confrontation and it would not have been pretty. Sometimes these things just need to be addressed!