For a picnic you need – CATCHUP

Sometimes it is difficult for me to post because while I want to, it feels like I am always just saying the same thing.

My health has definitely been declining the last year or two. Slowly, but steadily. I mean, generally speaking I feel okay but it’s all the little things that just keep adding up. Once something goes wrong, it never goes back to normal. I do miss having energy and force behind my actions. I also miss not having things hurt. I have the ability to numb pains, but I don’t want to. I want my mind to always be as clear and present as possible.

I am sure that paragraph sounded sadder than I actually feel, but I do try hard to be more honest when I am not posting as often. For the same reason I tell you all of the bad things. I don’t want to go from YAY Life is GREAT! To the next post a month later being OH SHIT! I have followed so many people online who talk about their lives and how awesome everything is and then go silent for a few weeks and the next post is about being in hospice. It’s heartbreaking. Especially in our widespread society where you can connect with people from your past electronically and build this new version of a friendship without ever getting that day to day relationship.

Chaos of Connections

One day you are talking to someone about a cookie recipe and then they just disappear.

WOW! I was off on a weird tangent there.

So much to do this week! Last week was CT Scan, and Echocardiogram. I am not withholding results from the scan, everything just got delayed and I probably won’t have the results until Friday. I think it’s going to look the same as the last one. I stand by my non-medical school diagnosis. I think because of the placement of the scar tissue that sometimes my lung is closing up and partially collapsing and then opening again as the scar tissue shifts. I also believe that without surgery there is nothing that can medically be done. Probably my best course of action would be to to exercise, hard and often to open the lungs back up and build the diaphragm muscle. However, I don’t want to. It’s so so uncomfortable. Uhg.

This week is a couple of appointments, in my house, and outta my house. Party prep, and some work stuff.  Okay, really not that much to do. 🙂

I really need to get out of bed now and get on with my day!



5 thoughts on “For a picnic you need – CATCHUP

  1. I think what happens is that 1 people don’t want to be downers 2 they have been criticized for talking about how they feel and then they say fuck it and just stop talking.

    Life is weird because one day it is all about a recipe you’ve tried and the next day you are focused on what it currently going wrong with your body.

    1. “Life is weird because one day it is all about a recipe you’ve tried and the next day you are focused on what it currently going wrong with your body.” Exactly, though these days it’s more like the next hour instead of a day.
      It’s a bitch being old and sick isn’t it?

  2. Tracy, I love that you’re so honest.
    I get quiet when things are sucking. I usually come back and blog vent. And then sometimes that turns into just a bitchfest about something other than what was bothering me in the first place.
    Life is weird, so are people. And I hate when ppl I feel like I’m sharing a friendship with disappear. I care about them damnit. I wanna know. Has to really suck when they come back talking about hospice. But isn’t that kind of life too? That it can change on a damn dime.
    Life is scary. Friends are priceless!

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