Stop Banging Your Head against a Wall

When my children were little I discovered a quirk of my personality & the equal and opposite quirk in my husbands.

If my child would come to me ask if I would do something I would say yes, immediately. Then I would think about it, and have to go back and say, “wait a minute, let’s talk about this”.

If my child would go to my husband and ask the same question he would say no, immediately. Frequently he would then change his mind when given more information and time to think about it.

As you might guess this caused more than a few chaotic moments.

As an adult I have spent a lot of time looking at personality types of people. I just find it very helpful for me to be able to watch someone for awhile (not too stalkerish) and then to a point, classify their personality. It has helped in personal and professional situations because frankly I am not above manipulating my personality to get what I want. Sorry. I am not always altruistic.

One of the personality types that I find most interesting, and for some reason pretty prevalent is the person who always disagrees first. No matter the question or topic this person will always dissent. Hey, I see you have a drip of salsa on your shirt, a little club soda will take that right out, NO it won’t. I have tried it on a shirt made of exactly the same material, and dripped the exact same salsa on it, and when I used club soda it caused a small explosion that killed my goldfish.


Here is my handy tip in dealing with this personality type. Don’t change anything. Don’t argue, don’t push. Just say your piece and shut up. If you tell them to try club soda, and they say it’s dumb, smile and move on. There is a good chance that after a few moments, they will come back and say, “hey, even though I tried it before, I remembered that the previous shirt had been washed in a special laundry detergent made of plutonium and this one hadn’t, so I tried the club soda, and it didn’t work all the way, but it worked a little.”  Next thing you know they’ll be running around telling everyone to try club soda!




5 thoughts on “Stop Banging Your Head against a Wall

  1. Great tip. I have an easy time doing that….until it comes to family and something I think is important. But, maybe it’s even more important to try doing it then. Food for thought for sure!

    1. Oh Brad, you were easy. I am afraid you were so young when I first met you that I just treated you like a kid. ::(
      As you grew and matured I just adapted to your personality. You have always enjoyed teaching so I discovered in order to get the most out of you , creatively speaking, I needed to step back and let you find solutions to problems, with as little push towards one solution as possible.

      1. Honestly that really helped. My only other “real” job at that point was a computer room where there were posters of memes on the walls and the boss was a technician who had been promoted semi-unwillingly and had a very informal management style. So the kid gloves helped me learn the more professional setting while probably letting me get away with more faux pas than I would have otherwise. Plus I’ve seen how your kids turned out, and you’re among the best moms I know, so clearly you know how to treat kids.

        And I DO enjoy teaching, sometimes a little too much! You also helped me be less condescending with that. After years of working with people at a sandwich shop I was used to explaining absolutely everything. I still remember you saying “Brad you’re explaining to ME how to turn my Wi-fi on” and I went “Oh fuck, considering your audience is something I should start doing before someone gets really pissed at me.”