Things you learn along the way

I was blogging in my head this morning. It is a long blog about Imitation being not only the sincerest form of flattery but also a good way to get what and where you want in life.

In my email at work I got a spam message from someone which included the words Reality Therapist. I had never heard of this and so I went a googling.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reality_therapy

I found a lot in there that fit in with my thoughts  this morning. Isn’t it funny how things sometimes work that way?

When I was very very poor I had certain behaviors that showed people I was poor. At some point for reasons I don’t remember I decided to stop acting like a poor person. I worked very hard to adjust my mentality to stop thinking of all the things I could not afford. I instead started repeating to myself over and over and over, I already have everything I need. Somehow this worked for me, I was still poor, but I stopped longing for things and feeling bad that I couldn’t have the things I wanted. Which then allowed me to stop buying things I wanted when I got a little extra money. Which then allowed me to put that money to bills and pay down debts. Well, you see where that pattern is going. I also discovered that when I stopped acting poor, people stopped treating me as poor.  When you’re poor people expect you to be always scrabbling and looking for scraps, and to be overly grateful for the smallest that they can give you. When people stop perceiving you as poor, you are perceived as stronger, and as expecting more from people, which is generally what they will then give you. I never wanted people to give me things because they felt sorry for me. I wanted to earn things and to have the right to demand things.

I have used this pattern in many aspects of my life since then. I watch people all the time. When I see someone that I perceive as something I want to be, I watch to see what it is that causes me to perceive them as, smart, or confident, or strong and I try to find that area in myself to see how I behave. Is it different, is it the same? It can be big things or little things. I was on a flight with a woman a couple of years ago and she looked so put together. She looked like someone who had a lot of money but didn’t need to be ostentatious. She had a presence that quietly stated, I am of quality. She was also polite and nice. I took a lot away from that three hours, and when I’m looking at clothes, or accessories, or my behaviour to strangers I often picture that woman.

When I was diagnosed with cancer I had a day where I was picturing all of the women in movies with cancer. How they were kind, and gracious. They mended long standing feuds with their families, they bonded with their spouses new partners so that they children would have an easier transition, they were calm and lovely. Then they all died.  I decided I needed a better role model and instead wanted to be the plucky heroine. I wanted to be the person who crossed finish lines at marathons or swam oceans  just to show she could, so that’s the behavior I modeled when I was sick. So far, so good!

A few years ago I discovered that I was quite over-weight. I had gained 45 pounds in 4 years or so. I looked at the people that I liked and respected and that looked like I wanted to look and feel. They all worked at it. They ate well and they were active. That’s when I started exercising and cut 90% of the garbage from my diet. I dropped 35 pounds over about a year. I know, it’s a long time and if I had been more committed I could have done it faster. But I was never uncomfortable or felt like I was punishing myself, my exercise became my reward. It was something I allowed myself to do. Now I’m working on turning the last 20 pounds into muscle, and trimming of the extra fat. I found someone that did that, and I’m trying to see what behaviors she has that I don’t. 10 pounds down. 🙂 I never wanted to be model thin, or waifish. I wanted to be trim, healthy and strong.

Sometimes you have to stop and ask yourself, what kind of person do I want people to perceive me as, and how do I make that perception happen?

If only I could find someone who had a lovely clean and wonderful house who I wanted to model my behavior after. That switch doesn’t seem to have flipped yet.

 

Went browsing through my phone to see if I had any interesting pictures to post and found this one. I only vaguely remember taking this picture because it amused me that I had 999 steps. But usually when I take a picture I have some funny caption in my head.  I wonder what it was.WP_003473

 

 

 

 

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4 thoughts on “Things you learn along the way

  1. It is weird how the link in the email takes me to your first WordPress blog and then I find the link to this one. Odd.

    It is great that you have found a way to motivate yourself to make the changes that you desire for your life. You have worked hard. A lot of people talk about making changes but you actually made the changes. Good for you!

    I hope today is a great day for you! 😀

  2. It’s because whenever I post here I also share it to my original wordpress site. The notifications you are getting are from the sharing. Maybe you’re not subscribed here? I’ll go check. BRB.

  3. OMG..an incredible blog. I’m going to share it on Facebook. You have hit the nail on the head with every thought.

    EXCEllent – Sometimes you have to stop and ask yourself, what kind of person do I want people to perceive me as, and how do I make that perception happen?

    I hope you already know that you are one of those people for me.

    Oh and Reality Therapy…they may be on to something? Thank Goodness for SPAM..did I just say that?

Thoughts?