Too tired for titleing

I feel like I am losing ground. I don’t know why! I am eating better than I have in years, I am certainly putting in the physical effort, but I feel like I am getting weaker again. It’s very frustrating. Realistically I know this is probably the long term effects of years of chemo and other drugs, but it seems like there should be a way for me to get on top of it. I still really only have about four hours worth of moving tim in my day and I find myself spending it carefully.

I am hoping that stopping the 12 months worth of antibiotics will help too. My appointment with the infectious disease doctor is next week. I wonder if I will suddenly get assailed by biopics and have to spend weeks adjusting to my own unbufferred immune system?

I think Dusty would be happier if I had more energy



Last week the puppy discovered that the lid can be pushed off this foot stool. It has not been on correctly since. Driving me crazy.  The cat has discovered the drawers on my little chest of drawers that I use as a nightstand slide open and so now they are always open. I think th animals got together and saw the movie Gaslight.

I am sorry if my posts lately have seemed a little maudlin. I really don’t feel that bad! I have always been happier curled up in a ball reading a book but I do not like not having a choice. As I type that I realized that it’s not the whole problem. Suddenly I know a bunch of people are not being successfully treated for their cancer and it scares me. It’s just not fair that you can fight and fight and be a good person surrounded by love and beauty and have no choices,





2 thoughts on “Too tired for titleing

  1. I just love Dusty’s expressions! So inquisitive! Getting so big but still such a puppy! I’m sorry you’re feeling off. I hope your news from the 12 month follow up is nothing but good. It is probably natural for your body to be just plain tired after all you’ve been through – but that doesn’t help you feel like it shouldn’t be. I can’t relate personally, but on a really small level sort of know what you mean. I feel like I eat right and exercise I should be able to do anything and everything and when I hit a wall it’s like – ‘cmon man – no fair! on a different level – having spent the past couple of years with W and I dealing with the choices from our older parents medical professionals, and the ‘lack’ of any kind of real help and good choices for longevity and good health and having them written off as ‘old’ – just maddening. the injustices of this world – smh

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