Un-noticeably absent

Do you tell the world when you are going to be absent from the Internet? For some reason it amuses me when people do.

This last round of chemo was a rough one! I haven’t had the energy to even take my thoughts and move them onto a keyboard, and you know how much I love to type!! (oh, I just had a funny thought. What if a blog were written completely like a person talking to themselves? I bet that would be hard to read )

Today is still a rough day but I can see the light at the end of the chemo side effects tunnel. After a round of chemo (Wed-Thurs-Fri) first I get really tired, and my brain gets fuzzy. I can’t concentrate, I can’t think. My stomach feels queasy.  On Friday I come home and go to bed assuming I am there for the next 48 hours. They give me massive doses of steroids, this last one I got some extra, and the steroids wear off around Saturday. My pattern has been to be terribly horribly weak and sick on Saturday so this weekend we (my husband and I) tried to stop it. I drank tons of Coconut water during treatment to stop the dehydration and clean out my system, and I ate something small every couple of hours. Saturday seemed okay. Not as bad as the previous weeks, no fainting, so we were pretty exciting thinking we nailed this. Then Sunday hit. I work up at 6 on Sunday because that’s what time the dog and cat wake up, and I felt pretty good so I decided to get up and move to the livingroom and let my husband sleep in. After all the coconut water I really needed to go the bathroom anyway!

Big mistake. I walked from the bedroom to the livingroom and then the world starting getting very white and wobbly. Couldn’t stand anymore. Plopped down on the recliner. It was a very bad 30 minutes of dizzy. Oh, added a new symptom to it as well. My hearing went. All I could hear was really loud static. Finally started feeling better and now really really had to go to the bathroom. Got up, walked five steps and BAM down I went. My first completely out faint. Woke up thinking – oh shit – where am I?  All in all this whole episode lasted about an hour. Unbelievably unpleasant. I do not ever want to feel like that again. Eventually got steady enough to go back to bed, woke up my long suffering spouse and stayed in bed until Tuesday. I am up this morning but still having my heart go pounding when  I walk a few steps. One of the other problems is that after a round of chemo my digestive systems seems to just shut down. I can eat anything and everything but my body is not processing it correctly. I lose weight. Pounds a day. It’s not until I can start eating calories and not get sick that I start recovering. Which is hopefully TODAY!

I will stay home again today – YAY for a job that allows me that freedom I say for the 100, millionth time! and probably just work this morning and maybe try to leave the house this afternoon. Maybe not! Hopefully back to work tomorrow.

I few weeks ago my voice started changing. At first I thought it was a breathless thing, too weak to push enough air across my vocal cords. Now I think it’s something else. It’s starting to feel like there is something stuck in my throat. One of the chemo meds is known for giving sores in your mouth and they have been asking me weekly about it at the doctors. No sores in the mouth, but I am wondering if maybe it’s in my throat? I don’t know. Hopefully as chemo wears off so does the effect.

Okay. Time to get a cup of coffee and switch to my work my computer. Thanks for listening to my blog’o’sickness!







6 thoughts on “Un-noticeably absent

  1. Oh poor you! I just want to give you a big gentle hug. I hope you don’t go out today. I don’t know – I just worry about you, especially considering you haven’t eaten much or anything.

    Sunday morning was so weird when I woke up and you were on my mind. Knowing your previous pattern, I thought you would be good by Sunday. I am so relieved you did not hurt yourself when you passed out.

    Could the steroids be messing your voice up?

    I am heading out. With the super cold weather, I haven’t been out for a few days. Take care of yourself today. I am so grateful that you have your family taking care of you. Love and hugs.

  2. Fainting is SO dangerous! And doctors hate it if you faint in their office! I had to take my husband home from some dental work, and as the staff was telling me what had been done and what I should do, I started to get that tunnel vision and get very warm. Oh, I knew what was going to happen. I interrupted the nurse and said, “I have to sit down.” That’s when they realized I was sick. The three staff that were there leapt into action! One pulled around a chair for me, one got me some water, the other one went for the blood pressure cuff. I felt like a fool!! They turned the air conditioner up and aimed the register at me! They got the Doctor! There was my husband, recovering from anesthetic and the doctor had to come and check on me! Whew. I recovered after a little while and got Hubby home, but what an experience!
    Well, that was a long comment. I’m glad you feel well enough to type so that we can keep track of your progress!
    *Internet hug*

    1. Thank you, it was a long four days so I am happy to be up and around again.
      I will answer your long comment, with a long comment of my own.
      One of the things I really worry about is that my husband is going to need medical attention and worse than not being able to help, I might need help myself. He has heart issues and does not take care of himself and it’s been really bothering me the last couple of months. I watch him and think what would I do? I couldn’t help him to the car and drive him to the hospital, and if it happened on a really bad day I wouldn’t even be able to function at the hospital! I would have to grab another family member to help take care of me while I am trying to take care of him.
      I will keep him away from the dentist!

  3. Was it like a soft static that you were hearing? Like white noise?

    Or was it a sharp static, like a TV tuned to an invalid channel?

    Or like a tinnitus-y high pitched thing?

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