I did a verbal vomit on my physical therapist yesterday. She became a different kind of therapist. Oh! If I did not already have pants on, and was not waiting for the cleaners I would show you pictures of the bruises she left! DANG!But it helped. Today I have to buy a pillow for under my knees when I sleep to see if it helps the bursitus. I really am astounded by how much it hurts. I cannot really take any dose of painkillers strong enough to help without causing all sorts of other problems.
ANYWAY – She was hurting me so bad I suddenly just started talking to her about Steve, and chemo. When Steve’s cancer came back a few years ago he opted for no chemo. He had been made so sick from it the first round, and he had one chemo when it came back and immediately got sick, so he said no more. He spent a lot of time researching and trying experimental therapies and gave me lots of fantastic advice. For some reason I was able to talk to Steve like I am not able to talk to anyone else. It is sadly, not because he is the only person I know with stage 4 cancer. He was just easy to talk to, and I like to think it was reciprocated.
I do not consider his, or anyone elses, decision “wrong” when it comes to treatment. I get angry when I think about all of the people who questioned my decision to even have chemo and radiation (though, I may agree with them on the radiation) and of those people, NONE of them had been through cancer first hand. Only second or third hand. I don’t care if you agree or disagree with someone’s treatment choices, the only thing you should say is “How can I help?”.
Corey and I talked about flying down to Texas for the funeral, but I do not think we will. You never know, I may change my mind at the last minute. And if Corey suddenly gets called away, I am outta here.
Okay that is all I can say.