Yesterday was my first day of work as an actual employee (contractor) for the Cancer support agency. Immediately felt different. It’s funny how the mindset is different for employee vs volunteer. I hope I am a help to them in the long run.
I went to my first SBRT treatment. Because it is so complicated they are scheduled strangely. I was going in as everyone else was closing down and locking up. I had the tour of where to go and what to do, same as 2011, and then stripped my top half (5F outside) and waited.
when they were ready they came and got me and in I went. Took off my gown and hopped up onto the table. Laid down in my movement constricting form arms up under a bar, pillow under my knees to stop my hips and legs from moving and that was the fun part. 🙁
I was so uncomfortable. My skin was reacting to the fabric of the sheet on the mold so my shoulders and arms were on🔥 . My hip hurt so bad, and I couldn’t move, and then they put the diaphragm constricting bar on and locked me in, for fifty minutes. It was really awful.
The worst part? No treatment. Once the machine was turned on, in test mode, at a certain point the machine knocked into the diaphragm constricting bar attempting to gut me like a fish. My abdomen is just a tad to short. So after an hour the plan was aborted officially, and I left. The doctors will all meet again and make a new plan and I will get a call with my new schedule. In the meantime the little bastard in my lung is still growing and hurting.
I drove home in a mood I don’t have a lot of experience within my adult life, almost despair I think. All back to normalish sort of this morning. It really sucked the hope out of me, and still a little part of me wonders if it will work, if this is some sort of bad omen. This SBRT procedure has been like a pipe dream the last two years that never happens.
Off to spend the day at a funeral.